On January 30

1916, my mother, Charlet Hall Anderson, was born in a home right in the middle of the Bingham Copper Mine.  My Grandfather, Edward Owen Hall, was a Foreman there, and they lived in a little company home built for the workers.  Here is a picture of Bingham Canyon, circa 1916, the year Mom was born.   Mom told stories of how they would get a warning bell that there was going to be some blasting, and everyone would take cover.  She wasn't very old when her family moved to Springville.   

When mom died 18 months after Dad, it felt like all the wind had gone out of us. When Dad died, we felt such loss, but we also felt the responsibility of making sure Mom was Ok. But after Mom died we just felt lost.  I can so clearly see us sitting at Mom and dad's kitchen table deciding what to put on the front of her funeral program.  We mentioned some scriptures or poems, but none of them seemed right for Mom.  

Some time after Dad had died, I had read an article where the writer said she had been at a funeral where a son got up to speak about his father, but was so overcome with emotion, that all he could say was "He loved us."  When I mentioned that article to the family and said how touched I had been by it, everyone piped in almost simultaneously, "that's Mom."  Let's put "She Loved Us" on the the front cover.  Mom was not a scriptural or flowery person, but one thing we all knew was that "She Loved Us."  That could have been Mom's banner.   I planned to scan in the funeral program, but it's way too late.  I'll do it tomorrow.

I miss Mom.  I miss her laugh and her interest in all things family, particularly her grandchildren.  I can often picture how Mom would react to my grandchildren,  I know she would "get a kick" out of some of the things they do.   Who knows, she's probably getting a few "kicks out of them" even though she's not here. 

She would be so happy that we have stayed close as a family and continue to get together and enjoy every-one's company.  And, I have no doubt she would have come back to haunt us if we every had any problems with the splitting up and dividing of the estate.  She warned us that there better not be any problems or we would be in trouble.  I don't know if that is why everyone bent over backwards to be fair and thoughtful, but I've never felt as much love and respect for my family as I did at that time.   I feel very blessed.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

My Banner

During our relationships class for the last two weeks, we've kind of gotten into the idea of  "banners."   Something like Captain Moroni's title of liberty, which he fastened on the end of a pole, and which said,  "In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children."

Basically our banner would be what holds us up, or even what we can fall back on, when faced with a tough situation.   I've thought about it a lot and been unsure whether it should represent something that we are, or something that we want to be.  But last week when I was feeling my all too common anxiety about my all-or- nothing tendencies, I read this talk  Being Temperate in all Things  from the October General Conference.  It hit me right square in the eyes, and I knew that this is what I want on my banner.

TEMPERANCE

A few quotes from the talk:  "When the Apostle Paul described certain fruits of the Spirit in his Epistle to the Galatians, he talked of 'love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, [and] temperance.'"  "Being temperate is to use moderation in all things or to exercise self-control." 

So to me, that word "temperance" mixed in with all the other gifts listed sounds so peaceful.   Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't know how to live."  By that I mean that I don't know how to just "be" because I'm so task oriented.   I'm task oriented to the point that when there's not a "task," I do nothing.   I want to "enjoy the journey," and all the stops and twists along the way.  Not always fretting about the destination or the completion.

I don't know if temperance is really

something that should be on a banner. 

But it is a gift I really want. 

Now, if anyone has a checklist for a fast track to temperance,

please let me know. 

7 years ago

today, a very special boy was born. 

His name is ASHTON!

We're so proud to have Ashton as our grandson.

We're also glad he is named Ashton,

since we had no boys to carry on the family name.

Ashton is

Adorable in every way
Sweet and kind
Honest in his expressions
Tender hearted
Oh my goodness, good at video games!
Never far from our thoughts and minds.

 We Love you Ashton!

We send you funny faces

and HUGS!

We miss you!

It was so sweet

today.  Misty said Harrison came to her yesterday and told her he wanted to sing a song he had been practicing.  He then proceeded to sing, "I Am a Child of God." He didn't want to go to bed because he wanted to keep singing it again and again.  Finally Misty said that he should go to bed and he could call us and sing it when he woke up.  Well, she talked him out of calling at 5:30 our time.  But when he did call at about nine, I was still asleep (I really shouldn't acknowledge that).  So when I called him back, he sang me a beautiful and perfect rendition of  "I am a Child of God," replete with just the right amount of Missouri twang.  Tonight he did the same for Gary.  I wish I had a recording of it, it was so cute.  I also hope he always remembers and believes the meaning of the words he's singing.

I am a child of God.

And He has sent me here.

Has given me an earthly home

With Parents kind and dear.

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,

help me find the Way.

Teach me all that I must do

to live with Him some day.

When we first added on

the sunroom in 1993, the first event we held in there was Thanksgiving dinner.  I was so excited to finally use the room and I had the tables all set with candles and chocolate turkey favors.  What I didn't realize was that, in the winter months anyway, the sun beats through the top windows so intensely that it literally melts candles (and chocolate turkeys). 

For a few years we had some paper blinds we put up in the winter, but they rotted in the sun.  So, this is my makeshift window covering for a few months.  I decided to make them last week after I had a meeting at the house.  The sunroom was so hot with the sun beating in on us (even though it was freezing outside), that we could hardly sit in there.    So I got this fabric and put it between two spring rods, one at the top and one at the bottom.  Not ideal, but it will do for now (though I can already see that it needs some width adjustments so it will hang more smoothly).

So, that is one "project" I can (kind of) check off my list.

Gary said I should take pictures of myself putting them up, but since I'm the poster of this blog, I vetoed that.  There is no way I'm going to put a picture of myself with a full rear view anywhere.   

I do have some pride.

This

is what Gary did this morning.

We may have the

final "draft" of the rag quilt for Misty's baby.

After many phone calls, emails with pictures, deletions, rearrangements,

and a trip to the store to find a
red fabric that kind of matches her curtains

(but at the same time blends in with the other nursery colors),

we've kind of made a final decision.

That is unless we change our minds in the next day or so.

I don't think I can leave it on the floor for longer than that,

since Gary just asked me if I would ever be done with my projects.

I don't know why he would say that.

I only have fabric on the table in the sunroom
for some shades I'm making for the top windows.

And then in the craft room I have paper and boxes
spread all over while I make some

"Book of Mormon" table topics game for our March Homemaking.

It would probably be wise
to finish one project before I start another.

But then, I've never claimed to be wise.

Just disorganized and distracted at times.
Someday I'll learn.  Really.

Valentines

and Chocolate.

They definitely go together.

There's nothing like

having a meeting
or party or
guests to your home

to make you finally get your Christmas Decorations down

and PUT AWAY.

Reminder

to myself:

The timer is my friend.

The timer is my friend.

The timer is my friend.

The timer is my friend.

The timer is my friend.

I don't have to have big chunks

of time to accomplish something.

Remember that the next time a task

seems too overwhelming to start.

"You can do anything for 15 minutes."

And, you can accomplish much more

in 15 minutes than you thought you could.

"The timer is my friend in 2010"
(the Flylady theme for the year)

The timer is my friend.
The timer is my friend.
The timer is my friend.
The timer is my friend.
The timer is my friend.

We are

very exciting and thrill-seeking people.

This is what we choose to do

on Gary's day off.

Can there be anything more exciting

than cleaning out your files?

I have

a very sweet husband.

Last night I told Gary I wanted some chocolate cake.

It was one of those times when I didn't just want chocolate cake,

but I needed Chocolate Cake.

We were on our way home from dinner, and he said, "Do you want me to stop at Days (Grocery Store) and get you a chocolate doughnut."    "No, that just wouldn't hit the spot."   Gary: "Well, I know something that would.  How about a piece of Magleby's cake? Now that will hit the spot won't it?"   I said, "Yes, that would definitely hit the spot," (and I thought, "he's reading my mind.")

So he detoured, went to Magleby's, and bought me a

piece of a chocolate cake like this.

We took it home and cut it in half.

(he gave me the biggest piece with the most frosting).

And, with a glass of milk, it hit the spot perfectly.

On top of that, this morning while I was still asleep,

he got up and vacuumed the house.

This guy really knows the way to my heart.

Fog

We've been enveloped in a lot of fog and haze lately. Utah has had the ranking of the worst air in the nation this last week.

I have been feeling that fog and haze both

Literally

and

Mentally.

Since the devastation in Haiti and worry about other things that I have no control over, it has seemed hard to see things clearly. My thought processes have felt foggy, or in other words, unclear. I feel like I’m in a daze, and a hazy one at that. There is a feeling of helplessness. Because what can you do about suffering when you are not there to help? I can hardly look at the images of people or think of their desperation. I like to put it out of my mind.

It makes me feel good when I hear of shipments of humanitarian aid being sent to those who are struggling for survival. It makes me feel good that I've paid my tithing and fast offerings and that I have at least contributed to aid which is being sent to Haiti or to feed those closer to home who are going through hard times. But I don't feel good when I look at my frivolous life and petty concerns. I don’t feel good because I still want to go out and spend money and time on more unnecessary and frivolous things.

This morning at Yoga I felt better than I have all week. I felt strong. I felt in control. I felt progress. There is a pose in yoga called the “Half Moon Pose.”   (shown here, not by me)


When I first started yoga, I just laughed when I tried to do that pose. I commented that I didn’t think my body could anatomically get into that position. It has just been in the last few months that I can strike that pose for just a second before I lose my balance. It’s progress.

What does my doing the “half moon pose” have to do with helping people who are in distress? I’m not sure. Like I said, my thought processes feel hazy. Perhaps it has to do with achieving balance. I know that when I felt like I was moving, balancing, and making progress, that my mind and spirit felt clearer.

So maybe “Balance” is the key.

We can’t control what happens to those we love.

We can’t control natural disasters.

We can’t control other people,

(Most of the time it seems impossible to control myself)

So we try to strike a balance.

We try make a difference to those
that we can make a difference for.

And as for the rest of it,

we just have to

Trust

and

Pray

and

Believe that God

never leaves anyone alone.

Social

Awareness.

We started back with our "Power of Feeling" workshop today.   Once again there is a lot to take in, so I'm going to write it as I understand it.

Today we discussed how we communicate with each other, particularly when we are problem solving.   We all communicate from the basis of our own perceptions, and no two people's perceptions of the same situation are the same.   So, the goal is to create an emotionally safe place where each person feels valued and respected and can express their feelings safely without judgement.

All of us are at times emotionally unavailable in different ways.  When we are, it is almost always because we are trying to protect ourselves. 

Visualize a square.

One corner represents a "Fixer."   A fixer is someone who wants to jump in and fix the problem and save the day.  A fixer tends to attract people who don't want to take responsibility.   The fixer's needs are met through the approval, appreciation,  and praise they are given.

Another corner represents a "Player."  A player doesn't want to take responsibility and thinks that nothing is a big deal.  They just want to play and act like there is no problem.

Another corner represents a "Blamer."  A blamer never sees their contribution to a problem and never owns up to or takes responsibility.  They are always right.  It's never their fault or problem.

The last corner is the "Victim."   The victim feels they have no control over their situation because of biology or fate or other circumstances.   They have a "poor me" mentality and feel that because of their circumstances they cannot change and have no responsibility for the problem.

In the middle of the square is the "Problem Solver."  That is not to be confused with just listening when someone needs to "vent."  In that case it is best to just listen and validate their feelings.  It is not to be confused with the "fixer," who just wants to jump in and solve other's problems whether the problems involve them or not. 
In "Problem Solving" it involves two people who are having a problem between themselves that needs to be discussed.  That is where we bring our own perceptions and our own communication styles.  The problem solving becomes difficult when one or both of you are using the one of the four methods above and are not in a space where you can feel emotionally honest and socially responsible.

Now, do I understand all of this?  I have a glimmer of understanding.  I definitely recognize myself in all of those different communication styles.  I recognize others in all of those different communication styles.

Recognizing and understanding is one thing.   Using that understanding to change how we problem solve is another thing.  If the understanding helps us change the way we interact and communicate with others, then it is valuable.

So what do you do when you want to communicate and discuss a problem, but the other person is not willing to engage in a respectful and honest communication?  If they are stuck in one of the four corners of the square?   Or what if someone wants an honest conversation with you, but you are not comfortable with it and are not ready to be be emotionally honest?

Big questions.

That's our challenge this week.  Figuring out how we problem solve with people who don't want to problem solve, but want to be the fixer, the blamer, the player, or the victim.  Or if we are that person, how we change.

I'll probably read this later and realize it makes no sense.   But if I don't write it, It will definitely not make any sense in my mind.  So bear with me.  We'll solve this problem together.  

Here are

my cupcake recipe box and desk calendar.

The last time Tom and Lynn stayed here,

they gave me the calendar.

I love it.  

One day has a cupcake recipe,

and then the next two days

give variations of that recipe.

I made the recipe box to keep

my cupcake recipes in.

Maybe now I'll be able to

find the recipes when I need them.

That is, of course, if I return

them to the box after I've used them.

Somehow I did not inherit the

"naturally orderly" gene.

Hey, what's that

flash?

I just had to grab the camera, 

set the timer,

and step back into my space 

for this

"too many cooks in the kitchen" picture. 

Or is it a picture of "organized teamwork?" 

Whatever.

Gary is making the pancakes,

I'm making the syrup,

and Natalie's scrambling the eggs.

Breakfast for dinner. 

Love it!

Gary's comment to Natalie as she's cooking the eggs:

  "You don't make a big mess, like Mom does, when you cook."

I've been

wandering around the house aimlessly for the last hour fussing here, rearranging there, tying to figure out where I want to put things.  My goal was to have  ALL the Christmas decorations down and house put back together before we went to the Timpview Football banquet at 2 pm.  That didn't happen, but we had a nice dinner at Maglebys during the banquet.  Then I came home and have been working on it since then.  I'm really trying to put everything away in a more organized fashion with labels on the boxes .  It's just a little difficult to organize when you have too much stuff.  Even with the wonderful shelves my Dad built for me in the basement, I have a hard time fitting it all in.   I know, I know, the solution is to get rid of some of it, keep only what you really love, and don't buy more.  The problem is, I love all of it.  So, I need to find a happy medium.  I'll know I've really arrived when I can, without a second thought, go down into the storage area (aka The Deep), take pictures. and post them on the blog.  I wouldn't suggest holding your breath in the meantime! 

73

years ago today, Mom and Dad were married in

Salt Lake City, Utah, at the County Courthouse.

Mom's parents, Edward Owen and Pearl Hall

were the witnesses.

Until Dad got his birth certificate later in life,

he always thought his middle name was spelled

"Stephen," as it shows on the marriage certificate. 

Once he saw his birth certificate,

he realized it was "Stevens,"

which was his maternal great-mother's
maiden name (Lois Ann Stevens).

On the temple sealing certificate

below it is shown correctly. 

Grandpa Thomas Reese Anderson and

my Uncle Walter Prothero were the

witnesses at the sealing.

I feel very blessed to have been

born to this union. 

I always felt secure

and loved unconditionally.

Thank you Mom and Dad.

I started,

but that's about all I can say.

(other than that I'm in a huge mess

all over the house)

Where,

oh Where,

do I start?

And do I even have the

energy to?

It's interesting

to look back to last year's entries.  Had I not written, I wouldn't even remember anything about last year at this time.  But as I read the posts, it seems like it was all just yesterday. 

It really is true that as you get older the years go by faster (or seem to).  My thoughts on that are that when you're young you're always looking ahead to something  -- getting your driver's license, graduating from high school, getting married, having children. Then it reaches the time when you wish time would slow down.  A time when change is not desired, but will inevitably come.  That's when it seems to speed up.   Obviously that is not so, but it certainly seems so. 

There are periods in my life that now seem like more than a lifetime away.  So many that were such an integral part of our lives, like our parents, are now gone.  I wish I had recorded more what a typical day was like when the girls were small.   I guess I'm feeling somewhat nostalgic and reflective.  Yet, I wouldn't want to go back in time.  I wouldn't want to relive the sorrows.  I wouldn't want to miss out on the joys.  I wouldn't want to not have the people in my life that I have now.   So, I guess it's a good thing I don't want to go back in time, since I couldn't even if I wanted to.

Life is good.

Eliza's

9th Birthday (January 2)

Eliza and I went out delivering some treats the first night they were here.  When we stopped at two of her friend's homes, and when they saw each other, they ran and gave each other hugs.  It was so sweet, so spontaneous, and so natural.  They haven't seen each other for a year, but the feelings were still there even at this young age.    Friendship is like that.  (Even though as adults we tend to be more reserved and less likely to to be so spontaneous)

P.S.  I think my new background is TOO pink.  But it took me so long to do that I'm going to keep it until I get too sick of it --which may be tormorrow.

P.S.S.  Never mind, I couldn't stand it even for a night.

I can

hardly think about it. 

But tomorrow morning will be the last time we will wake up

to this beautiful view at the foot of our bed. 

And as much as I wanted to,

I just couldn't not post tonight.

Gary just commented,

"Old habits die hard."

I'll post Eliza's birthday pictures later.

Celebrate!

Today is a day of

Celebration.

I actually did it!

I posted every day for a whole year.

I posted when I had absolutely nothing to say.

But I posted anyway.

The whole experience has helped me

• Dig a little deeper
• Think a little more
• Be more aware of what is going on around me
• Remember with appreciation those who came before
• Love, even more, those who are a part of my life now
• Laugh as I reminisced about people and events 
• Cry when I remembered feelings that hurt or touched my heart
• Feel closer to those who read and commented on what I wrote
• Record a journal of sorts, which I haven't done for years
• Connect with new, old, and long lost friends
• Connect with family I don't see often as I would like.
• Appreciate even more what a good sport Gary is
• Want to be a better photographer.
• Stay up later than usual in last-ditch efforts to post.

It has also made me worry

• that something I may have written didn't make sense
• that something I wrote may have hurt or offended someone.
• that I would appear silly or immature or sarcastic (which I am)
• that I would seem a little strange or off-the wall (what can I say?)
• that I was being too self promoting and "all about me"

I wish I could say that I've kept all of my commitments as well as I have this blogging one.

• The "exercise" one . . . well, I'm still working on that.
• The "eat healthy" one . . . a work in progress.
• The "read something uplifting every day" . . . a long way to go.
• The "write a thank you note every day" goal . . . I haven't even started.

I'll try to do better on those this year.

I'm not sure how often I'll post now. I’m such an all-or-nothing person, that I know if I don’t do it regularly I won’t do it at all. So, I definitely want to keep it up. But, I know I won't post when it's 11 at night and I haven't thought about anything to write. I know I won't post when I honestly have nothing to say or share. I know I won’t post when I don’t feel like it.

But, I know I want to keep writing for all of the positive reasons I listed above.  I want to continue to share my loves and my passions and my gratitude.   I want to share more family history.  I want to record what I believe and have faith in.  I want to record all of these things so I will not forget. I also want to post my favorite recipes so when I misplace them I can go to my blog and look them up (which I have done many times already).

But, until tomorrow when I post Eliza's 9th birthday pictures (are we party animals or what?), I'll say goodnight.