Oh, my, this is giving me a headache

I'm really, really trying,
I really believe what it says.

But

physically,

mentally,

emotionally

and spiritually

I am feeling
exhausted!

Happy Birthday, Mom

Today would be my Mom's 93rd birthday.
That's definitely a livable age,
and I would have loved to have her around longer.
I would have loved to share
my grandmothering experiences with her.
She died in 1995 at the age of 79.
Sometime I'll write about the miracles
surrounding the last month of her life.

But for today, I'll share an essence of her,

which was written in the form of a poem by Tiffany.
I have this hanging by my front door.

Grandma’s Porch Swing

I still remember Grandma’s kind raspy voice which

urged me out to the big porch on rainy summer nights.

With a small hop I would slide onto the big white swing,

my legs dangling in the air with each melodic rock.

The squeak of the hanging chain sounded as Grandma’s

foot hit against the green, turf-like carpet.

rock, squeak, rock, squeak, rock. . . .

As a child that porch seemed like a grand stage

from which to watch the world pass by.

On the left side sat Grandpa’s big white chair which

curved perfectly to fit his masculine form, but devoured

my small limbs as I sank to the back.

In the middle the green turf terraced up the steps

welcoming all to come inside the warm home

which smelled of Grandma’s cake and Grandpa’s wood shop.

And on the right, hung the swing. . .

Grandma’s big white swing.

It invited all to

sit awhile,

talk long,

and think much.

Years have passed since Grandma and Grandpa left

this earth, but that big white swing still hangs,

now on my own porch.

It still makes that familiar melodic squeak when my

foot hits my smaller cement porch.

Grandma’s swing has become a transport for me,

and the porch a haven away from the world.

I sit hidden by the trees, sheltered by the cover,

and out of sight from the passers by.

It is there that the majestic mountains call me to the east,

and the brilliant sunset ushers me to the west.

I can spend hours on Grandma’s swing listening to the song of birds,

pondering the clouds in the sky,

and gazing up at the galaxies.

It is especially on the rainy nights that I am reminded of Grandma.

The porch swing is not only a memorial to her,

but a reminder of how to love.

Sometimes, if I am quiet, I can listen to the melodic squeak of the chain

and still hear Grandma’s kind raspy voice urging me to

sit awhile,

talk long,

think much,

and

love always.

Tiffany Ashton 12/98

Here's the porch swing today
on this cold and snowy
January day.
It looks kind of lonely,
but I'll make sure it gets
lots of company this summer.

And a lesson to be learned:
Take pictures of every day things.
When Tiffany wrote the poem
and I wanted to have it framed,
I went in search of pictures.
There were hardly any to be found.
Here was this swing,
which my Dad made,
and was such a part of our lives.
But because it was such an every day
part of our lives,
we didn't take many pictures of it.

I was so glad when
I finally found this one
which features Mom,
and a much younger me
and Tiffany.

What's it all about anyway?

I had breakfast at Magleby's this morning with my good friend.
We've shared many experiences in the last 24+ years,
and have had many deep and thought provoking conversations.
However, up to this date anyway,
we still haven't quite got life figured out.
We try, we really do.
But then some other learning experience comes along
that we need to analyze.
If we ever do figure it all out, I'll be sure to pass the word along.
But, in the meantime, I'm very grateful to have a friend that I can
share my honest feelings with and know she understands.

After our enlightening conversation about
what is really important in life,
I came home to my now Christmas-less decorated house and decided
that I needed to mess it up a bit.
I guess I didn't really decide that,
but the mess was a natural consequence
of my efforts to become much more clutter free.
After all, in order to get things orderly and reduce clutter,
I need to clean one area out to make room
for other things that I'm cleaning out. Make sense?
Rather a domino effect, or at least it is for me.
I think you get the picture.
I'm really swallowing a lot of pride by showing these.
I'll take pictures of the finished room to redeem myself later.

Finally . . . they're down

All I can say is that it feels more than wonderful
to have finally gotten all the Christmas decorations down
(minus the ones buried in the snow).

I do believe I've set a personal record this year!

How we don't always see what's right in front of us.

Today I actually finished getting the Christmas decorations down
and am now in the process of putting the everyday decorations up.

As I was hanging several pictures, I realized how
even though they are right in front of me
that I had not really looked at them for a long time.

Here is a poem I have hanging on my wall that was
written by our daughter, Misty, as she was dreaming about and
making plans to build her house.
It is a beautiful and tender poem that brings tears to my eyes.

Her home has long been finished
and it turned out just as she dreamed it would.
But more importantly, she has created a wonderful and loving
environment inside the home.
We're proud of you, Misty,
and hope you know you are always in our hearts.

Joy is . . .

Last night we had an FHE and discussed "Joy."

What gives us joy, how you feel when you are joyful,
how you distinguish between transitory fun and true joy.
Our assignment for the week is to write down something each day that gives us joy.

Well, today that is very easy.
It happens to be someone's birthday who brings joy to everyone around him.
All I have to do is think of
ASHTON,
and a smile comes to my face and a warmth to my heart.
I think from this picture you can see why.So, buddy, if I were there with you I would be

rubbing up, scratching down, rubbing across . . .
just as you used to instruct me to.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I LOVE YOU!

Whoaaa . . . .

The first words out of my mouth

when I opened the bedroom blinds this morning. Gary had already been out shoveling twice by the time I woke up.
What a man!

Nothing like Brothers and Sisters (and "laws")

One of my greatest blessings is the family I was born into.
Being the youngest of 5 (3 brothers and 1 sister),
I felt so loved and watched over
(and yes sometimes teased, but I won't mention any names).

Though Mom and Dad are gone, we still get together often for dinners
(such as this one tonight at Richard and Laraines), for holidays, and for fabulous reunions.
Tonight Richard shared with us a beautiful music DVD with
pictures from some of our reunions in the last 30 years.
(Richard, you are a genius at doing those!)
As I watched it, my heart was filled with gratitude
and wonderful memories.
Thank you.

Cheers to a wonderful meal, and may there be many more!

PS: We wish our California families could be here, also.
I'm sending this to you just to make you jealous.

PSS for Tom: If Charlene and I were spoiled it's because we deserved it.

Golly, I sure wish I could have gone . . .

on the Winter Camp out with the Scouts.
But sometimes we are called upon to sacrifice.
Oh, well, I guess I'll have to go shopping or something warm like that.

Lovely

Transcript of conversation between me and two friends last night at 9:30 pm:

Friend: "What are you looking for, Annette?"
Annette: "I can't find one of my lovelies.
I think I must have dropped it somewhere."
(Papers shuffling, sorting through garbage can)
Friend: "Maybe I didn't make enough lovelies."
Annette: "I'm pretty sure I had 5 lovelies,
but I can only find 4."
(more shuffling through papers on the table)
Friend: "Here are the Happy Birthdays, but I don't see any more lovelies."
Annette: "I don't know, maybe I did only have
4 lovelies to begin with."
(shuffling through zip lock bags and more papers)
Friend: "Oh, here is another lovely."
Annette: "Oh, I guess I did only have 4 lovelies."
Friend: "It's a good thing no one is listening to this conversation or they might wonder about us."
Annette: "I am most definitely wondering about us."

All in all we had a
evening together making these cute paper projects,

even if I was a little delirious.

Notes from Loved Ones

Dear Lydia,
Thank you for the note. I feel much, much better. And thinking about you makes me feel even better! Dear Eliza,
When we come up to your Baptism you'll have to demonstrate your new talent for us!

Dear Eliza, Ashton, Annie, and Lucienne, Justin, and Tiffany,
You're so welcome. And Merci, Muchas gracias, and Danke to you, too, for our early surprise!

What is Wrong with these Pictures?

Nothing, if it were December 20 and not January 20!
(I'm feeling overwhelmed)


And then these two came home.
If the decorations were boxed up I'd make them carry the boxes down
for me instead of watching the Jazz game.

The "Highlight" of the Day

I got a new "do" today from my favorite hairstylist, Betsy. I've been going to her for a long time and consider her a great friend. I remember when I took Misty and Tiffany to her as teenagers to get their hair done. After the cut, Misty did a cartwheel in the salon she was so happy with it. Since Misty is now a 33 year old mother of 4, that tells you how long Betsy's been with me, or rather I've been with her.

Today was the Martin Luther King Holiday, so Gary was home from school. I told him that if he was ready by 1:30 he could go to lunch with a new woman. Have I mentioned how much I love this guy (even if he is with a new woman, or at least one with new highlights in her hair)?

First Day at Gold's Gym

Gary got me a free membership to Gold's Gym through the football team (he does the stats), and today was my first adventure out there. So I worked up a little sweat, came home and changed, and then went to a very nice football banquet at Magleby's Restaurant. Imagine salad, prime rib, mashed potatoes, bread sticks, and to top it off, chocolate cake. I probably completely undid any good I had done at the gym. Oh, well, tomorrow is another day (and right now I'm craving more chocolate cake)!

Dear Quilt Appraiser

I got your name from a couple of websites
on quilt appraisals. I inherited from my
great-grandparent's home a pieced quilt
that is not bound. I have not had anything
done to it for a couple of reasons:
1) I love looking at the hand stitched patchwork, and
2) I wouldn't know what to do.

Anyway, a friend told me that maybe I should have it appraised. I'm attaching a picture just so you can tell me if it would be worth my time and money to have you appraise it.

I don't live in Oregon, but my daughter does and I get up there often, which is why I am writing you. Could you tell me what you charge and what the process would be if you think it is something that I should pursue? Thanks so much .

As soon as I possibly can

This cute little grandson got on the phone with me today. The first words out of his mouth were, "When are you coming to my house?" He's still a little young to understand that living 1200 miles away makes coming to his house a little complicated. But it warms my heart to know that he wants us there, and my answer to him is, "As soon as I possibly can." And I'll give you a big kiss when I get there.

When trying to avoid doing what needs to be done

Do something you love to do:
Organize Recipes
you will probably never use!

My Youngest Daughter

Last night I told my youngest daughter, N, to look at my blog since I was actually making entries. She did and said, "I didn't know you had to tow Dad's car." She's living at home right now, but still often says I never tell her what's going on. I suppose I am guilty as charged, but some things are just not that newsworthy (except when I'm trying to keep my commitment to make some record of each day on my blog -- and quite enjoying it).

Anyway, after our conversation she said I should write my next blog about her. I told her I would be glad to, and added that I would include pictures. I said this purely to get a response from her, as she protests and never approves of any pictures of herself. This I don't understand, as she is beautiful inside and out.

So, since the way she came into our life is kind of like a fairytale come true, I'm going to write it as such. I feel inspired to do that because my friend in our ward, Lynne, recently wrote a fairytale about a family in our ward that I greatly admire. I was very touched by it and by its realism.

So here is my fairy tale:

Once long ago, about 25 years ago to be exact, there lived a family with a Mother and a Father and two beautiful princesses. As the family tried to grow, they lost two little daughters, Annalee, first, and Emily two years later. The little maidens were both still at birth. There was sadness in the home, but also gratitude for the two little princesses that already occupied the home.

Then one day a Knight in Shining Armor (otherwise known as Uncle G) approached the mother and father and inquired if they would want to adopt a child into their humble home. Of course Mother and Father were delighted as they awaited the birth of the baby, which was to occur in about two months time. They did not share the news with many in the land until the appointed day, as they did not want to set themselves, or others, up for disappointment should the miracle not occur.

Then one day, they got the awaited call. The valiant birth mother had given birth to a little girl and loved her enough to give her as a Gift to the family. The news of the birth was Joyfully received! The one day old infant would be magically arriving (by air) that evening at 8:30 pm in the arms of the Knight in Shining Armor!

There was pandemonium in the land! The princesses were pulled out of their schooling and told the news! Friends and Family rejoiced. Grandparents away on a journey quickly made their way home! Diapers, carriage seat, bottles gathered!

The anticipated hour was soon upon them. Family gathered awaiting the magical arrival. As the Knight descended with his bundle of joy, the family crowded around. The stewardesses alighted from the flying chariot to see who the lucky family of this little miracle would be. (All of this was of course pre 9/11). Princesses were beyond joyful, as they debated what they should call their new little sister. Champagne was offered by the delighted stewardesses, who were amazed by the Knight flying in with that the little child. Champagne was denied, as the knight and family did not drink alcohol, but the gesture was greatly appreciated.

The third little Princess completed the humble palace home of the family. There was Lght in the eyes of the Mother again (as she was told by a friend, who said it had been missing for awhile). The Father was surrounded by his princesses and feeling like a King. The twoPrincesses felt more like mothers to their little princess and took great delight in choosing her clothes and laughing at and watching her every move. (A fight wherein they were both tugging at her for ownership, at 2 days old, was also recorded in the videos of history)

Years passed, and the little princess grew into a Beautiful young woman, who was kind and loving and caring to her family and those around her. She brought light, drama, and imagination to the humble palace home. She blossomed with many artistic talents and the voice of an angel, though her fairy godmother and others in the kingdom often have to remind her of those gifts and implore her to use those talents more. She is beloved among the land and a special aunt to the new generation of prince and princesses that dot the continent and appreciate her for her game playing skills.

The Tale has not ended, as no doubt there are still many surprises ahead (perhaps even a handsome prince?). But whatever the future may hold, there is no doubt that the miracle will continue to grow and live . . .

Happily Ever After

The Mess Part of yesterday's post

Gary just came home from the Priesthood Meeting and I was upstairs in the workroom. When I told him that I had been cleaning up, he looked into the room and said, "Really???"
My daughters will understand. I'm well known in my family for the fact that I can make a very big mess in a very short time. It is somewhat of a dichotomy, as I am not naturally orderly, but I spend a great deal of my time organizing. When my Mom would call and ask what I was doing, my answer would invariably be something to the effect of "organizing the deep, or my bedroom, etc." Mom's response would usually be, "Weren't you were just doing that?" She really couldn't understand, as she was a BO ("Born Organized" as flylady.net calls it), and could not conceive of not putting things away right when you were done with them. Thus, things did not become a mess. I've just never quite mastered that, especially when I'm in the middle of one of my projects.


Oh well, my 5 year old grandson, A, had a very profound statement one day after I was commenting on the big mess I had made in the kitchen while doing some baking. Being totally satisfied after having eaten to his heart's content, he said, "Well, to have great food, you have to have big messes." Thanks A!

Primary Birthdays and big messes!

January 9, I'm thankful for . . .

Today I am thankful for cell phones and yoga.

An interesting combination, I know. Grateful for Yoga because I felt better going and doing it than I have all week. I learned something, also. In yoga when you have a cold it is best to do poses that open up your chest. That makes a lot of sense, but is just the opposite of what you naturally want to do when you don't feel well. At least what I want to do is curl up into a ball. But, actually, you do feel better when you expand your chest. A lesson learned today about more than yoga.

As for cell phones, Gary's car broke down and I had to tow it. I HATE doing things like that because I feel such uncertainty on what I should do. However, with my cell phone on speaker and Gary on the line in the car being towed behind me, he was able to coach me on what to do and reassure me I was doing great. I think there is another lesson learned today about more than just towing and cell phones, and more about keeping the lines open.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad

I always remember my parents on this day, January 8. They were married 72 years ago today, in 1937. I feel so very blessed to have been born into their home and into my family. I always felt loved and cared for, with just the right amount of expectation to do my best, but also unconditional acceptance. Dad's been gone for 17 years now and Mom for 15, but they are ever present in my mind and heart.

Things are looking brighter today

Things are looking brighter today because the sun shines and I am begining to feel better. In July I want to look back at this picture of my mailbox and remember this day!

Snowed In

The pictures say it all. Couldn't think of a better day to finally rest and try to get over my cold.

January 5

Feeling a little better, thankfully, as I had arranged to drive a friend to SL for a medical procedure. I felt blessed that the big snow storm that came in was just beginning as we drove into Provo. It was definitely a good day to stay inside and nest, once I got home.

January 4

How to describe this day? Moments of clarity where I truly felt the spirit of what I am hoping to accomplish while serving in the Primary. There were also moments of doubt and frustration when I realize that, even while I'm doing what I can, that it is probably not enough or even the best thing. Also, feeling the sorrows, worries, and sadness in the eyes of those around me and realizing how fragile life really is for so many people. I feel very grateful for the love I have surrounding me in my life.

A Quiet House

On this Saturday morning both families took off for home. They bring with them a whirlwind of love and activity, and the house seems very quiet once they leave. Gary says I always go into a slump after the holidays, and I suppose I do. But I haven't had a lot of time of time to start, as I went straight to our Primary Activity in the new Ward building, came home and napped as I was feeling very sick with a sore throat and laryngitis, and then went to a great-nephew's baptism.

Eliza's Birthday

Grandaughter E's 8th Birthday Party. It was so fun to see many of the friends she had made during the two years they lived here. They had a very good time with cousins, 2nd cousins, and friends at a gymnastics gym and then came back to our house for cupcakes and ice cream.

New Year's Resolution

Well, I've already broken my new year's resolution. I guess it wasn't really a resolution, but rather an idea that sounded good. My daughter ordered a Creating Keepsakes kit that allows space for a picture and a journal entry for each day of the year. Hey, that sounded like a good idea for my blog. Nothing earth shattering or important, but rather a picture or word that represented the day. Well, it's January 5, and I'm a little behind. I'll do a little catch-up.

January 1, the day after my 55th birthday. It can't get any better for a birthday than to have my husband, daughters, son-in-laws, and all my grandchildren here together. Here are a few pictures of the day.








On a slow day in January, I'll write about the Christmas Season of 2008, which was full of surprises and much joy. Just to give a hint: these three packages arrived two days before Christmas when I was not expecting them until after Christmas!