Good Bye February

A Beautiful Article

I finished posting yesterdays blog at 3 am this morning, so I guess technically it was today's post. I would like to add to it with this article from the Ensign Magazine. It touches so beautifully on the subject of stillborn babies. I struggle with many of the questions the author did about the status of stillborn babies in the eternities, so I am grateful for her inspiration.

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=0a528ebebcd6c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1

February 26, Annalee's Birthday

Today is the 30th anniversary

of the birth of our daughter, Annalee.

She weighed 7 lbs 9 oz and was the splitting image of Misty and Tiffany

when they were born. When I say image, it literally was just a momentary image for me. I recognize now that I was in major denial and somehow thought that if I didn't look, or touch, or allow myself to feel, that this really hadn't happened. The reality was that I went to my Dr’s appointment on Friday and she had a healthy heartbeat. By Monday morning when I went back, her heart had stopped beating. It was a very somber drive from the Dr's office to the hospital. I remember a very nice man in the elevator saying, "Well it looks like it's time for you to have your baby." I think I may have said something about not hearing a heartbeat, but at that point I still didn't really believe it myself. Gary came and labor was induced. When the time for delivery came, the nurse, who was also a good friend from high school, asked me if I would like to hold our baby. I took one glance, shook my head, and looked away. Gary went over and touched her but I did not. I have to say that I was haunted by my actions for a long time. To realize that I had not even held my daughter and given what little I could was very painful to remember.

Procedures in hospitals have changed now, and even when a mother or father are in denial like I was, they routinely take a picture or cut a lock of hair and tell the parents that they will keep them and that when they are ready they can come and get them. Most end up coming back. I would love to have a picture, a lock of hair, something tangible that was a part of my baby. Many parents and families now spend the day holding their child and taking pictures. They have funerals. These have all been good changes in how stillbirths are perceived in the medical profession. We were asked if we wanted to bury the baby or if we wanted them to take care of her. Fortunately we had the presence of mind to say we wanted to bury her, or I would have great regrets. I want to write of this experience for several reasons, but one of them is not to make anyone feel sad or sorrowful. The first reason is to give honor to a daughter that I did not, and even still do not give proper recognition to. Second, to record in my history a major event in our family's life. And third, to perhaps make a difference for someone who goes through a similar experience.

I will write later of the medical events leading up to Annalee’s birth.

Of the changing spiritual understanding that has come.

Of the blessings that we gained through this experience.

But, for today I just want to share something that I did not find out until about 8 years ago. This same friend, Cathy, who was the delivery room nurse when I gave birth to Annalee was with me at the funeral of another friend’s baby who had lived only a few days. Seeing the little body struck me very hard and I was feeling very emotional. I don’t believe I had ever talked with Cathy about our experience, but here we were at another baby’s funeral, and I mentioned how badly I had always felt that I had not held or acknowledged Annalee in any way. She then said, “You know, I never told you this, but after you had all left I went into the stairwell and held your little girl for about an hour.” When I heard that I knew that both I and my daughter had been given such a great gift by a beautiful friend. I had long since realized that I had just done the best I could with what I knew, and had found peace with it. But learning that my friend had given my baby what I could not at that time, was a truly gift from God.

Cub Scout Blue and Gold

Tonight was our Cub Scout Blue and Gold banquet.
I felt very appreciative of all the people who worked so
hard to make it such a nice evening.

They invited the Veterans in our ward and had
them come up and honored them with a moment of silence.
I was so touched to see both younger and older members
of our ward who served our country.

I have never had anyone in my immediate family fight in a war,
though I had uncles who served and had an
older cousin die in WWII (before I was born).
I would imagine it is probably one of hardest things a parent
or family could go through to know their loved one
is facing injury or death every day.
Not to mention the emotional scars that can last a lifetime.

We should never take that service for granted,
yet it is not something I think of as often as I should.
I'm glad for the reminder
and say THANK YOU.

Remind Me

Will someone please remind me -- Next time I have an idea to make something that "won't take much time," that when you're making 100 of them that it does take lots of time. Please!!!!!

Someone has a Birthday!

Today is a very special boy's 4th Birthday.
Happy Birthday Harrison Jess!
Harrison lives far away, but I think of him every day.

I think of his name
Gary's dad's name was Jess. As we had our children, Jess was the name I always planned to use if we had a boy. I was only able to meet Jess a couple of times when I was 14, and he passed away when Gary was 15. We didn't have a boy, so we didn't use the name, but I love that it is Harrison's middle name. It is also appropriate that he is named after Gary's dad because Harrison looks more like Gary than any of our grandchildren. In fact, he and grandpa are "two peas in a pod."
I think of his Intensity

Everything Harrison does is with intensity.

He loves anything to do with balls. With two older brothers he has lots of examples.Carrying his brother's ball bag, bat, gloves as he watches his sister on the computer.
Notice the ball in his hand as he sits on the bear

Who could resist this little guy?


I can't. I love you Harrison!
I wish I were there to give you a big hug.

Our Friend "Ski Cat"

Lexie called last night wondering if she could come by today

and use my sewing machine.
She needed to hem a quilt
for a humanitarian project. Lexie is the daughter of a wonderful childhood friend
who died in July of 2007.
We miss him.
Here is a classic picture of Gary and Matt
(otherwise known as"Ski Cat") at high school graduation.

Matt's family lives in Washington State, but Lexie and her brother are here at BYU. Before that, another brother and his wife (and then their new baby) were here, also. We have so many fond memories of Matt and his family. Through the years, our family made several trips to Washington and were always treated to wonderful times at their lake house on Lake Chelan.

We're so glad we have been able to keep a connection with the family while they go to BYU, and it is even more meaningful now that Matt is gone. Matt was always so appreciative of any little thing that was done for him. When Gary spoke at his funeral, he mentioned how with Matt you could never get ahead. If he sent you a letter (of which he did all the time), and we wrote back (of which we did seldom), he would respond immediately thanking us profusely for writing him. So, not only do we truly enjoy being with his amazing children, but we also find happiness in knowing it is something that he would appreciate.

Lexie is so cute and has said several times that she would like to learn to cook some different things. So we decided it would be fun to try some new recipes together. Here are Lexie and Natalie thumbing through a cookbook deciding what we'll cook next Sunday. I'll give a report next week on how it goes.

Flowers to brighten the day

Our friends Pam and Duke came down
and we went to dinner with them.
Pam, for no reason, brought me some flowers.
Sometimes gifts given"for no reason" are the very best kind.
Thank you!

I'm a little crazy about CUPCAKES

Ok, I admit it. I tend to be a little OCD about some things.
Just ask my daughters or my very patient husband.
One of those things I'm really into right now and can't resist is anything

Cupcakes.

There are so many cute cupcake fabrics
to make aprons with

Cookbooks

Items of Clothing

and much, much, more,
which I'll share at a later date or this will be way to long.

But most importantly, there are the cupcakes themselves.
There are so many different varieties.
They are just so cute.
And they taste so good (especially the frosting).
They are so fun to make.

my favorite of which is these:

Coconut Cupcakes

3 cups flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 cups sugar

3/4 cup unsalted butter (1 1/2 sticks)

6 large eggs

1 1/2 teaspoons almond extract

1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 cup buttermilk

1 (14-ounce) bag flaked coconut (5 1/3 cups)

2 8-ounce packages cream cheese, softened

3/4 cup unsalted butter (1 1/2 sticks) softened

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 1/2 pounds powdered sugar (about 5 2/3 cups), sifted

Preheat oven to 325. Line 24 standard muffin-pan cups with fluted paper liners (I actually get more like 28 to 30 because I don't like them spilling over the top of the muffin tin) In large bowl, with mixer at medium speed, beat sugar and butter 5 minutes or until light and fluffy reduce speed to low. Add eggs 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in extracts. Combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Add flour mixture alternately with buttermilk, beginning and ending with flour mixture. Beat just until blended, scraping bowl frequently with rubber spatula. Stir in half of coconut (2 2/3 cups). Spoon batter by level 1/3 cups into paper liners, filling about 2/3. Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until cupcakes are golden brown and toothpick inserted in centers comes out clean (mini cupcakes fill with small scoop and bake for 13 minutes). Let cupcakes cool in pan 10 minutes. Remove cupcakes from pan and cool completely on wire rack.

When cupcakes are cool, prepare cream cheese icing; In large bowl, with mixer at medium speed, beat cream cheese, butter, and extracts until smooth. Reduce speed to low; add confectioners' sugar and beat until blended. Increase speed to medium-high; beat until icing is smooth and creamy, frequently scraping bowl with rubber spatula. Makes about 5 cups. Frost top of cupcakes with icing. Sprinkle with remaining coconut.

A few accomplished tasks

I got the bags unpacked. That was good.
I helped Gary get his car unstuck from in front of the house.
That was good.
(Just fyi, he was trying to pack down the big pileup of snow
that was blocking the mailbox, and his car got high centered)
Hmm, I seem to remember that happening before.
Oh, well, I won't rub it in or anything like that.

Back to life

Well, we're home.

Other than Gary having his turn with the stomach flu
(on the airplane - fun!)
the flight home went well.

I'm hoping:

that I don't get the bug that went
through the rest of the family

that Natalie can get a job soon,
after having been laid-off on Friday

that Pam from Pam's Place is still
my friend after being left alone on Sunday!
(I'll give you a call)

that all is well with . . . well, everyone.

A Restful Sabbath Day

A wonderful day at church
+
an afternoon together
trying out pretzels

+
a very impressive FHE put on
by the grandchildren
and lots and lots
of love

A Very Special Day

For a very very special girl

Who has "goodly parents,"
(as she read to us from her new scriptures)

We feel very blessed to be her grandparents

We had a heart attack!

4 hours snipping

Better have these
handy little scissors

if you have
4 hours of snipping.

Whew, made it
just in the nick of time.

Down to the Wire . . .

That's what Gary was saying about the Jazz game tonight
in the last tense minutes (they did win).
That very phrase was also in my mind as
I looked at this unfinished rag quilt for Eliza's baptism.
It will definitely be down to the wire, but I think I'll make it.

It's a Mess

But this time it's not me making it.

Quite a switch,
wouldn't you say

Natalie and friends making messes
and yummy valentine cookies.

Silence can be Golden

Today was a day of silence. There are advantages to being somewhat deaf, you know. I took my hearing aids out and pretty much slept all day. The phone rang and Natalie came home for lunch, but I didn't hear any of it. The other great advantage is that I don't hear Gary snore at night. That is a biggie!

I'm really not that sick, I am just doing everything I can to get completely better by Thursday when we fly out for Eliza's baptism. That means not even stepping outside in the bad air that is surrounding us. I'm not even feeling badly about the things I'm neglecting because this is the number 1 priority.

I am so very grateful that I live in a time when hearing aids are available and so good. Without them I wouldn't hear a thing my beautiful grandchildren say. When I'm with them, the first thing I wake up to in the morning is a tap on my shoulder and a hand being held out with my hearing aids in them. What a blessing!

Well, enough ramblings.

This is good stuff

My friend brought this very effective stuff over to help with my cough. It helped me sleep all night and most of the day. Thanks to my friends in the Primary who cover for me so well when I call in sick and who are just plain are there for me when I need them. I love you all! Thanks also, to our friend/ nurse across the street who we petitioned to come listen to my chest just to make sure it wasn't bronchitis or something I should go to a Dr. for. Aren't friends nice? I am blessed with many of them. So now that I know it's not bronchitis, I can stop worrying that it will get worse and start planning the trip to Oregon for Little Eliza's baptism. Because I plan to be there! Now I just need to get on the ball and make her baptims quilt. Tomorrow will be another day, and tomorrow I hope I can be the one giving not getting.

Cough, Cough,

Off to bed. Hope it's better tomorrow!

Looking for more Treasures

While at Costco tonight

I caught Gary furtively
scrounging through the
rolling duffel bags.

He really wanted to find
a treasure like I had.
No such luck for him!

What can I say?

Love and Chocolate

THERE'S NOTHING

like
LOVE
and
CHOCOLATE


CHOCOLATE WAFFLE COOKIES

Especially fun made in a heart shaped waffle iron at Valentines

2 cups flour
1 cup unsweetened baking cocoa
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 cup butter
2 cups sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
5 large eggs

In medium bowl combine flour, baking powder and cocoa. Mix well with wire whisk. Set aside. In a large bowl with an electric mixer cream butter and sugar. Add eggs and vanilla and beat at medium speed. Batter will appear slightly curdled. Scrape down the sides of the bowl, then add the flour mixture and blend on low speed until just combined. Do not over mix.

Drop by rounded tablespoons on greased hot waffle iron (about 1 T. Per 4 x 4 inch area). Cook for approximately 1 to 1 1/2 minutes. Hint: turn over waffle iron to easily drop cookies.

Use any of the following toppings singly or in combination: Chocolate frosting, a dusting of confectioners' sugar and cocoa powder, fresh raspberries and whipped cream; a drizzle of chocolate syrup. I like making a thin frosting that I drizzle over -- Make by combining in a saucepan 1/4 cup butter, 3 tablespoons milk, 4 tablespoons cocoa-- and bringing them to a boil. Remove from heat, then add 1/2 teaspoon vanilla and 2 cups powdered sugar. Stir well and drizzle over cookies. Approx 24 cookies.

The Case of the Missing Cricut Cord

I was excited this morning to try out my new Cricut cartridge. The mystery arose when I went to plug the machine in, and the cord was missing. I scrounged around the house for it, thinking that in my cleaning out mode I may have mistakenly put it with computer cords (or something scatterbrained like that).

But, the cord was nowhere to be found. I racked my brain trying to remember when I had used the machine last. (For those who don't know what a cricut machine is, cricut.com will tell you all about it.) Had I left the cord at the store after the last Cricut class I attended? Maybe, but I was pretty sure I had used it since then. Then a vague image popped into my mind of me taking the cord out of the machine. When had I done that? A couple of weeks ago I had brought home 3 different rolling duffel bags, two from Burlington Coat Factory and one from Costco. I had been on a quest to find the "perfect" rolling bag for when I cart the machine and all my supplies. However, I had returned them when they weren't the right fit. Could I have left the cord in one of those bags when I was trying them out for size? Oh, I hope not. How would I go about finding it if that were the case?

Well, at that point knowing that the alternative was buying a new cord, I decided I would swallow any embarrassment and see if in fact the cord was in one of those bags. First I went to Burlington and embarrassed myself by asking if anyone had turned in a power cord (No). Then I embarrassed myself further by explaining why I was looking for the power cord. (Confused Face) After which I explained that maybe I would go look through the bags like the ones I had returned, just to check. I did. No Cricut Cord to be found.

Next stop, Costco. Again I said, "This is kind of a funny question, but has there been a power cord turned in?" (Blank Stare) Again I embarrass myself by explaining why I'm looking for it. (Raised Eyebrow). Again, "Well, maybe I'll go look back and look in any boxes that I can tell have been opened, just to check to see."

Back on the shelves I spotted one box with a black rolling duffle bag in it that I could tell had been opened. I really didn't dare hope, but to my utter amazement when I took it out of the box, removed the plastic, unzipped the bag, and reached my hand in, I felt it. The power cord was there! It was like pulling a rabbit out of a hat it was so amazing!

I don’t know what was greater my relief or my embarrassment, but I was very happy to solve

“The Case of the Missing Cricut Cord.”

And here it is.

I always did like Nancy Drew.

Duke says I was "Pulling a Duke"

After coming to our home
tonight our friend,
Duke,
said that I had not been honest on my blog.
He claims that the Christmas decorations aren't really down because this pile is still sitting in the carport.

My response is that I got them
"down,"
Gary just hasn't put the last of them
"away"
in the carport storage area.

So there.
I did not "pull a Duke"

Now to explain the "pulled a Duke."
Let's just say it is a phrase we use in our family (and to Duke)
when we are questioning the accuracy of a statement.

Example of a "pulling a Duke" conversation:

Gary: "I'm on my way home,"
Annette: "Are you in the car?"
Gary: "Well, no, but I'm getting ready to go to the car."
Annette: "Oh, I see. You're "pulling a Duke" on me."

Hopefully you get the picture.
And, the picture proves I got the decorations "down."

Early Morning Musings

I woke way too early this morning. Early for my standards, anyway, but late by my sister's standards. She gets up and has exercised by
5 am every morning. Yes, that is true. She also has the restraint to turn down chocolate cake and various other yummy desserts. I was thinking about that as I lay in my comfy, warm bed thinking about how hungry I was.

I was also musing about "joy" and what we had discovered about it this week. Natalie was the very best, as she actually wrote something down for each day, but Gary and I just tried to remember.

Our responses ranged from
"helping Mom take down the Christmas decorations,"
to "having help taking the Christmas decorations down."
Service given, Service received.
Others:
Accomplishing a given task,
Thinking about the people we love (particularly grandchildren),
Having friends to share things with,
Feeling we are making positive strides,
Contemplating our marriage covenants while doing sealings in the temple,
Yearning for good in the lives of those we love,
Seeing the good in people as they quietly serve.

Then my mind went to those times when I don't see the good in people. I made a judgment in my mind yesterday about something, only to find out later that I had judged wrongly. Every time I do that I remind myself of an experience I had many years ago.

I was sitting at a stop light when the light changed to green. An older, somewhat infirm lady, was still very slowly crossing the street in front of me, so I couldn't go through the light. I was concerned for her. I was heading to the bank, so while I was waiting for her to cross I starting filling in the deposit slip using the middle of the steering wheel as a hard surface. Just as she was right in front of my car, I accidentally put too much pressure on steering wheel and honked the horn. I'll never forget look on the woman's face as she reacted to the honk. I tried shaking my head "no" and waving my hands to say "I'm sorry," but I don't think she understood. Then the man in the car next to me looked at me. Let's just say that if "looks could kill, I'd be dead right now." For all intents and purposes what had happened was obvious.
But the intent was not what it appeared to be.

Well, all in all, my thoughts have been all over the place this morning.
I feel a little silly writing all this on a blog,
because it is so "all about me."
But, I guess that is really why I'm doing it.

It has been years since I've kept a journal, and by taking the challenge to make an entry each day (and being publicly accountable to it), I am finally doing it. My one wish when I am gone is that my family will know how much I love them, will understand what was important to me, what brought me joy, what my struggles were, and hopefully (still in the works) how I overcame them. The added benefit is that it is also making me think about what I'm feeling and doing instead of just going through each day mindlessly.

So, to anyone who is reading these ramblings,
Thank you for being a part of my life. I love you!

Do A Random

Random Act of Kindness Every Day

(of which this cake
being delivered
to our door this morning
is a great
example of)