How does that saying go? Something like, "You only fail if you fail to try?" Well, if I'm looking at it that way, I haven't failed. Because I am still trying.
So, I got up this morning and went for a walk. Not a very long one, but it was more than I have done. Not exercising and gaining weight has really bothered me. Seeing pictures of myself is painful. But it obviously doesn't bother me enough to make positive changes. I don't think I want a life without baking, and chocolate cake, and other yummy things. But if I could only learn moderation. Moderation is another word I don't think I understand the meaning of. Too many times it is "all or nothing" for me.
Anyway, as I was trying to "get my life in order" by cleaning out a basket of papers, I ran across this "Declaration of independence from a weight-obsessed world."
Some years ago this "Declaration" was sent to me anonymously in the mail. I remember wondering if I should be offended or if I should be grateful that someone cared enough to send it. The message is important. Because, honestly, I am not comfortable with my body. Even when I've been "thin," by worldly standards, I have not been comfortable with my body.
I remind myself all the time that I am a nearly 60 year old woman, and that what I weigh should not bother me so much. It's ridiculous, really. My grandchildren don't care how much I weigh. They care how they feel when they are around me. Gary doesn't care how much I weigh. He just wants me to feel good about myself and be healthy. God doesn't care how much I weigh, he just wants me to love myself so I can look outward instead of inward.
I remember reading an article about body image where the author suggested standing in front of a mirror, looking at each part of your body, and thinking how it has served you. (She suggested doing that without any clothes on, but I couldn't quite handle that). I remember looking at my stomach, and thinking how my body has carried 4 babies, and that my womb is the only thing I have that still carries any possible remnant of two of them. As I looked at my hands I thought of how blessed I was that they had been able to hug and touch so many people, especially those that are no longer with us. It is a wonderful exercise in gratitude and one I need to do more often.
Ok, enough is enough. This has been a lengthy and random discourse. I'm not comfortable exposing my insecurities, but being honest about it has been very therapeutic for me, I feel an element of shame that, at my age and stage in life, I am still struggling with self-image issues. But I know that I am not alone in those kind of feelings.
So, what is my next step:
1) Sign the "Declaration" and read it every day.
2)Take care of my body and my soul by nourishing them with love
3) Forget myself, and reach outward
6 comments:
I am still conscious of how I look. It bothers me that my stomach has "extended" in my old age. I don't think it is self-image problems but think it is the idea to be the best we can be. I think there is a difference. You are a beautiful woman, inside and out, that is for sure.
You are right that your grandchildren don't care, but you forgot to add to that list your daughters and son-in-laws and every other person you serve so perfectly! I understand and can relate to every word you said. But know I love you just the way you are!
I ditto what Tiff said. Know that we love everything about you--just the way you are!
Annette,
You know how much I love my Grandmother! What I remember about her from my heart & pictures is not how much she weighed & I'm pretty sure she would beat you on the scales!
What I remember when I look at pictures of her is not the size of her body, I see what I also see when I see you in person or photos, I see the size of your spirits & smiles!
Your right your grandchildren love you because you "Loved them first!!!"
What I think they would most want is for you to take good care of your entire "self" so that you can be around to see their children!
I'm selfish, I also want you around because you also make me feel very loved!
PS love you back!
You're perfect to me! Love you!
I agree with all the other comments BUT if the added weight causes you to hurt, feel self loathing, pain, depression then strip off those clothes face reality. Face the fact this added weight could shorten your time with your loved ones and then really-- what is your fear? Feel that pain, face your fear, forgive yourself and then remember life is making choices and no matter how trite or careless they may seem to be, they are still our choices—in this moment, in this time. I believe that the most fulfilling life is one that is lived as authentically as possible.”“Life is an either-or, either this option or the next—you cannot have it both ways. . . . Reality demands something from us all—to care, to forgive, to live—or as you Annette would say---what it all boils down to is doing. You are a doer Annette--so just do it--do it just for you!!!! “Death gives life meaning, it makes existence that much more of a priority, to be lived and relived.
Post a Comment