an emotionally grueling day. Beside the normal wedding stress, my brother, Gary, is not doing well. Beginning last week, he has been in and out of awareness. He went through a similar episode several years ago and came out of it. I'm truly hoping and praying that he will do the same thing this time, and that he can be well for Natalie's wedding. There's has always been a special relationship, as Gary is the one who flew her in and gave to us when she was 1 day old.
On Wednesday, when I talked to Lynn, she said he was not doing well. We went to see him and, while he knew us, he was talking randomly and like he was having conversations with someone. I was feeling very worried, but while Lynn was showing us something in the upstairs, we came down to find that he wasn't in bed. It was a moment of panic, but he had gotten up and was taking his medicine. He then walked us to the door and and said he was glad those dreams he was having weren't real. I was feeling very encouraged.
But, he has not shown any improvement. The thing he needs the most is sleep, but his body and mind won't shut down. Cory and Leslie flew in last night, and said that he was up all night. His eyes would open and you could tell he was aware and then he would go back into unawareness of the present and have conversations with someone. I wonder if he is seeing people from another realm.
Because of his Parkinson's disease, his body is very rigid and does not stop moving for a minute. It must be physically and emotionally draining for him. When Cory reminded him that he needed to try to relax and sleep, I asked him if he would go to sleep better if I left. He said with a touch of humor "Probably." That is so classic Gary. He is always worrying about the other person, and he doesn't like the idea of someone being put out because of him. I can't understand everything he is saying, but at one point he said, "You are not trapped here you know, Annette." He says how much he loves and appreciates his family.
He has had such a life well lived, and I know it is very hard for him to be this way. Cory and Gary gave him a Priesthood blessing, and in it Cory asked that he can feel peace and know how much he is loved.
So, I have shed a few tears today. I am not really a crier, and I don't remember the last time I really cried. I think today's tears are a culmination worry,, of feeling love, loss, sadness, and gratitude. .
1 comment:
I was sad to read your last blog entry. You have a wedding coming up and on top of that you are worrying about Gary. A new life just starting and one near ending. I wish I were there to help you out or try to be of some comfort. Joseph Fielding Smith said that a righteous man will not be taken before his time. That is a soothing thought for me when I think of Gary. He is certainly a righteous man, though he would deny that. His life has been full and productive and he is surrounded by family and many other loved ones. I certainly hope he can get through this, but if not, he lived a life well lived. He would want you to enjoy this time with Natalie so I hope you are able to do that. Love you.
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