Perspective and Gratitude

The last 4 days have taught me a lesson on perspective.  As mentioned before, this adjustment to the cochlear implant in my right ear has not been easy.  There is the constant "blender" noise going on in that ear at all times, and the ringing continues after I take it off for the night.  That has been driving me crazy and has also had me very worried.

But then on Saturday, along with the noise in one ear, I suddenly couldn't hear in my left ear (even with my hearing aid on).  I went to pick up two friends and take them to our Stake Women's Conference, and I couldn't hear a word they were saying. (I hadn't realized that it was that bad, as Gary had left early that morning for a conference and I hadn't spoken to anyone).

I felt very distressed and filled with panic, and I was supposed to sit on the stand for the opening session.  My friends convinced me I should go home, not worry about it, and that they could get a ride home with someone else.  I admit that I drove home in tears and had a good cry session.   Then I decided that maybe it was better, so I drove down again.  But when I walked in, I found that I still couldn't hear anything and went back home.

Of course, in my mind I'm imagining the very worst -- that the implant is causing me to lose the hearing in my good ear, that I will have the blender noise in my ear forever, and that I made a colossal mistake in having the surgery.

Sunday I cancelled my commitments to do a sharing time and stayed home, as I still couldn't hear. It was the same today.  Finally, Gary was able to get through the red tape of getting an appointment to see my very booked Dr's, and he took me down this afternoon.  I was so grateful for that, as I couldn't hear to talk on the phone or hear what people were saying

Well, as the Dr. said, the problem was the "best case scenario" for what I was experiencing -- my ear was impacted with wax,  Once he removed it, I could hear again.  (I still don't understand how I accumulated so much wax since my appointment last Wednesday, but I'm just glad that is what it was).  The Dr's assured me that it was good I went in today, because it could have been something to be concerned about, and that the implant noise will even out -- that my brain just needs to learn to understand the new noises.

So there lies my lesson on perspective:  Suddenly the "blender in my head" is not so distressing.  I'm just so grateful to have hearing in my left ear, that the accompanying noise in my right ear is just a small (or medium) distraction -- whereas before it was a big problem.  I am very relieved that it was a simple solution.  In the scheme of things this is a small matter, especially compared to life and death issues and chronic illness and disabilities that others have.   But I was definitely feeling very vulnerable and lost


And I am very appreciative that I have a good husband to lean on when I am feeling vulnerable.  I remember when, about a month after Dad died, Mom woke up one morning and couldn't see out of one eye.  I took her into the Eye Dr., and it was a cataract that had closed over.  I remember feeling her vulnerability and thinking how much she must be wishing that Dad was there by her side to give comfort and assurance.  I remember thinking that I wished Dad was there to give both of us comfort and assurance.

This whole experience has definitely been a lesson for me in gratitude for what I do have.  And a lesson on  perspective about what I'm struggling with.    

Happy Birthday

Marshall Zane!

 Here is a picture Misty sent of Marshall with his birthday cake.  He is a perfect Spiderman and Super Hero!

Here is the transcript of Marshall's interview in December (He was not real long winded!)

Favorite color:  Blue

Favorite food:  Ramen Noodles

What do you like to play:  On Mom's phone, card games, and extreme car driving simulator.

What is your favorite part of school:  Recess with friends.  Playing zombies--boys are zombies, girls are humans, and zombies tag them.  P.E.  When Mom lets him ride the bus.

Favorite thing to do at home:  Play with toy trains.  Likes it when Mom helps him build the tracks.

Favorite Movie:  Paw Patrol

Favorite  sport:  Basketball, but he is excited to start baseball this year.

Favorite family time:  Snuggling with Mom on soft sheets.  Laying with Dad.

What would be a perfect day?  Play with toys and play games all day and eat pizza.

Here is your birthday hug, Marshall.

We love you!

Happy Birthday

to Harrison Jess!

We always say it is a good thing that Harrison has the middle name of Jess, since he reminds all of us so much of Gary.  (Gary's father's name was Jess)

Here is the transcript of Harrison's interview this Christmas time.

What has been a highlight of your year?   He played baseball against 13 year olds as an outfielder.  He is getting good at tracking the ball and had lots of fun going to Kentucky with his baseball team.

Favorite Sport   Baseball (of course!)

Favorite activity when he doesn't have anything he has to do?  Watch TV, or if Dad is there play baseball and football.

Favorite subject:  Best at Math, but also loves Vex stuff to build robots.

Favorite Food:  WINGS

Favorite Movie:  Funny ones

Where do you think you will be in 10 years?  In college, playing baseball

What would you like to be when you grow up?  Baseball player for the Cardinals

Best Friend:  Alex.  He has a cool house and pool, too.

What would a perfect day look like to you?  Have cinnamon rolls for breakfast; go to Sports Authority and get anything he wants; go to Nike Store and get pair of shoes; go to Hang Time with Alex and the Idiarts and Grandma and Grandpa, and my family; go on fright fest at Six Flags, go to Buffalo Wild Wings and eat a lot of wings, go home and kill an alpha alien; get to live this day over and over again.

When do you feel most spiritual?  At Sacrament meeting.

Favorite candy:  Snickers

What do you appreciate the most about your family?  That he has a house to live in and Heavenly Father to take care of us.

Here is your birthday hug:

Here is a picture of Harrison with
his birthday cake.

We love you, Harrison!

I'm hearing lots of

of bells, whistles, and ringing in my ears, but not any distinct words.  He said that is very normal.  I need to wear it 16 hours a day regardless, and up the program levels by next week.  My brain just needs to adapt to and recognize the sounds.  It will be a slow process, but I'm encouraged that it will be good.  In spite of the constant ringing, the one sound I was able to decipher was the blinker signal, which I haven't heard for a long time.  

Here it is with the hair pushed away and major bedhead.   The round disc is a magnet that attaches to the metal plate in my head.  (That looks kind of scary)

Here it is with just my normal bedhead.

Now I'm ready to go to bed and have some peace and quiet.   

A crazy week

It has been.  No computer still, and I hope it doesn't disappear completely. We dropped it off at a "repair shop" that could pass for a drug dealer's house.  The guy seems nice enough, but I was very  glad Gary was with me when we took it.  Then my phone started having problems and I had to have a replacement one sent.

On Thursday, after a series of phone calls and texts, I went to Salt Lake to take my brother, Richard, to instacare.   We were very worried about him.  Charlene took him to ER the next night.  I was very relieved yesterday, when we had to make a trip to Salt Lake, so Gary could get his phone replaced, to find that he was doing 90% better than he had been.  I took over his very comfy chair when we visted.   I'm  starting to breathe a little easier.

Now my next adventure is tomorrow when I use the Cochlear device  for the first time. I'm excited and a little nervous about how mechanical the sound  might be.   They warn that it will take awhile for my brain to adapt to the sound, but that it will. 

What a man.

He's vacuuming and gave me Chicos.   Now we get a little valentine treat.

I'm

Feeling lost without my laptop.  The screen went dark on Sunday, and since then I've been on the phone and at repair shops trying to find someone who can fix it.

Though I can blog and do some things on my phone and tablet, I can't do my spreadsheet computer work or type in Gary's history. I could work on the desktop computer, but I don't have all my programs on it. And let's face it, I've become very spoiled by having my feet up in a recliner or comfy chair. 

Here's a picture Charlene took of me and Gary down at her place in St. George.   She can't believe that is how I do my work, but I feel the same about her sitting at a desk.

  I need to have a little of her rub off on me and not be such a "couch potato."

I thought

the girls would be interested to know that the bike is still right where it was when they were here at Christmas.

 It has been locked on the corner of Canyon Road since at least November, or that is when I first noticed it. 

Isn't anyone missing a bike?

St George has

been the perfect healing place, though I haven't been real exciting company for Charlene.  In between two naps yesterday and one today, we managed to go to lunch and dinner.  It is fun staying at her St. George house.  It is beautiful.

 Here is where she does her work from home down here

and this is the view outside the window.

 Everything is so bright and sunny that my pictures are terrible.

 Back to winter tomorrow.

I got

To wash my hair yesterday and got my staples out.  I was very pleasantly surprised that I don't have a big patch of no hair.  We're headed out of winter and down to St. George for a conference for Gary.  I'll get to see Charlene's house for the first time.