Last night

as I was going upstairs to go to bed, I leaned down and gave Gary a goodnight kiss.  That is pretty standard here at our house.   Usually in the evenings we sit in our recliners with our laptops (or projects) on our laps.  We watch TV and Gary sleeps through half of whatever we are watching.  Since he feels refreshed from  a nap, he gets a second wind, and I head to bed earlier than he does.

Anyway, last night when I gave him a good night kiss, it reminded me of a segment on Studio 5 with Matt Townsend.   He was talking about marriage and cited the statistics that 90% of the time couples don't say good night and 80% they don't kiss goodnight.   I was trying to give other thoughts he shared, but I couldn't remember them all.  So I pulled the segment up on my phone and we watched it together.  

His 5 points were:

1.  Express gratitude.  See all the positive spouse is doing and comment on it. Make habit of saying 3 things your partner did that day that you appreciated.

2.  Celebrate unique strength.  What traits make them special.  Sometimes they are the things that attracted us to them in the first place, but they are also the things that can annoy you.

3.  Make regular "bids".  Regularly inviting of partner into your life.   Invite to connect to you during the day.  Share something you see, hear, or did.

4.  Turning.  Once someone bids, you have to turn toward partner and connect with the bid that spouse has given you.

5.   Practice restorative touch.  Have 20 seconds of just touch to connect.

So, to recap, I gave him a "bid" in telling him about the segment, and he "turned' to me and was interested in what I had shared.  

Interesting way of looking at how we respond to each other.