Early Morning Musings

I woke way too early this morning. Early for my standards, anyway, but late by my sister's standards. She gets up and has exercised by
5 am every morning. Yes, that is true. She also has the restraint to turn down chocolate cake and various other yummy desserts. I was thinking about that as I lay in my comfy, warm bed thinking about how hungry I was.

I was also musing about "joy" and what we had discovered about it this week. Natalie was the very best, as she actually wrote something down for each day, but Gary and I just tried to remember.

Our responses ranged from
"helping Mom take down the Christmas decorations,"
to "having help taking the Christmas decorations down."
Service given, Service received.
Others:
Accomplishing a given task,
Thinking about the people we love (particularly grandchildren),
Having friends to share things with,
Feeling we are making positive strides,
Contemplating our marriage covenants while doing sealings in the temple,
Yearning for good in the lives of those we love,
Seeing the good in people as they quietly serve.

Then my mind went to those times when I don't see the good in people. I made a judgment in my mind yesterday about something, only to find out later that I had judged wrongly. Every time I do that I remind myself of an experience I had many years ago.

I was sitting at a stop light when the light changed to green. An older, somewhat infirm lady, was still very slowly crossing the street in front of me, so I couldn't go through the light. I was concerned for her. I was heading to the bank, so while I was waiting for her to cross I starting filling in the deposit slip using the middle of the steering wheel as a hard surface. Just as she was right in front of my car, I accidentally put too much pressure on steering wheel and honked the horn. I'll never forget look on the woman's face as she reacted to the honk. I tried shaking my head "no" and waving my hands to say "I'm sorry," but I don't think she understood. Then the man in the car next to me looked at me. Let's just say that if "looks could kill, I'd be dead right now." For all intents and purposes what had happened was obvious.
But the intent was not what it appeared to be.

Well, all in all, my thoughts have been all over the place this morning.
I feel a little silly writing all this on a blog,
because it is so "all about me."
But, I guess that is really why I'm doing it.

It has been years since I've kept a journal, and by taking the challenge to make an entry each day (and being publicly accountable to it), I am finally doing it. My one wish when I am gone is that my family will know how much I love them, will understand what was important to me, what brought me joy, what my struggles were, and hopefully (still in the works) how I overcame them. The added benefit is that it is also making me think about what I'm feeling and doing instead of just going through each day mindlessly.

So, to anyone who is reading these ramblings,
Thank you for being a part of my life. I love you!