Well, I've finished week 1 of the Healthy Habits Challenge.
Being accountable is definitely making a difference, but what makes the biggest difference is just being aware. The two hardest have been my the ones I set for myself. I only did Flylady and Scanning for 3 of 6, but I can also look at it as being 3 more than I would have done without the goals.
Also challenging was the 3 servings of veggies and 2 of fruit. The fruit I have no problem with, but getting veggies in takes much more effort. I've even found myself getting a bowl of carrots just to get another serving in. Now that is a first! So only 4 of 6 for that.
No unhealthy foods -- that was a challenge, too. I do like my sweets. But what has helped has been the no eating after 9 pm or dinner, whichever is first. I've been known to be eating popcorn in bed at 1 a.m. (just a few times a week or so), and I haven't done that, so that is progress. Gary thanks me for that.
I am such an "all or nothing" person that it is actually kind of nice the way goals are set up, because it allows for flexibility and if not doing well in one goal, you can still do well in others.
And of course the journaling, which I am doing with my blog. I've been much more consistent with that.
So, all in all, it has been a good week and it feels good to be making positive changes.
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Monday, October 30, 2017
Thursday, August 17, 2017
Where do i start . . .
After not posting for a month. It has bothered me a lot that I haven't kept my goal of posting everyday. But I keep reminding myself that I am the only one it is really bothering, so I shouldn't be so hard on myself. There have been a few stressful and hard times, but mostly wonderful family times, and I do want to capture them.
The first thing I want to post is Jackson's birthday interview. He turned 21 on July 28. But, it does take me some time to decipher my scribbled notes, so that will be after I have a little time.
Right night Margie and Lance are visiting and Jackson has come back to go to school. Today we toured the new Missionary Training building, and I was going to post a picture, but just remembered it is on Gary's phone. So that will be later, too.
But it's ok.
The first thing I want to post is Jackson's birthday interview. He turned 21 on July 28. But, it does take me some time to decipher my scribbled notes, so that will be after I have a little time.
Right night Margie and Lance are visiting and Jackson has come back to go to school. Today we toured the new Missionary Training building, and I was going to post a picture, but just remembered it is on Gary's phone. So that will be later, too.
But it's ok.
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
When it rains, it pours.
We had another of Gary's cousins pass away last week. Alene Hone. That is just a short time after his cousin Paul.
Then Gary's sister had a freak accident and fell into a crawl space at her son in Oregon's home. She shattered her leg. If she had the surgery up there, she would have to stay for a couple of months, so she (very painfully) flew home and had the surgery last week. Now she is in a rehab center here in Orem for at least a month.
Then Richard has not been doing well and is in a facility where they can monitor him and his medications closely. This is so hard.
The inspirational message from Paul's funeral was that anytime anything went wrong, Paul didn't get angry, but he would just ask "Well, did you learn anything from it?" or "What did you learn?" All of the kids basically said the same thing. A great way to approach life.
At Alene's funeral each of her 6 boys basically said that her love was unconditional, but that she didn't let them make excuses. She would say, "You know what you need to do, so do it."
I can learn a lot of life lessons from funerals. It makes me wonder what my one remembered phrase would be. Maybe, "Keep Calm and Eat a Cupcake?"
Then Gary's sister had a freak accident and fell into a crawl space at her son in Oregon's home. She shattered her leg. If she had the surgery up there, she would have to stay for a couple of months, so she (very painfully) flew home and had the surgery last week. Now she is in a rehab center here in Orem for at least a month.
Then Richard has not been doing well and is in a facility where they can monitor him and his medications closely. This is so hard.
The inspirational message from Paul's funeral was that anytime anything went wrong, Paul didn't get angry, but he would just ask "Well, did you learn anything from it?" or "What did you learn?" All of the kids basically said the same thing. A great way to approach life.
At Alene's funeral each of her 6 boys basically said that her love was unconditional, but that she didn't let them make excuses. She would say, "You know what you need to do, so do it."
I can learn a lot of life lessons from funerals. It makes me wonder what my one remembered phrase would be. Maybe, "Keep Calm and Eat a Cupcake?"
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
Grandfather Clock
Every time I've looked at my grandfather clock the last few years, I've felt sad. It hasn't worked, and the weights were jammed. Dad built it, and I love it, which was why I was sad.
A few times I've played around with fixing it, but to no avail. Finally on Saturday, I decided to get serious about it and give it one more try. In fact, it was almost a challenge in my mind that if I could get it working that it was a message from mom and dad.
I pulled up instructions on the Internet, and basically troubleshooted by changing the weights, bending the pendulum, etc. -- all along figuring that the worst thing I could do was break it more and have to call a repairman-- which I was going to have to do anyway since it hadn't been working for years.
Well, I feel loved, because now it is working. The chimes are erratic, but just having the mechanism work lifts my heart. I'll deal with syncing up the chimes later, but for now I just love watching the pendulum swing and hearing the rhythmic tick-tock.
Thank you.
Friday, June 16, 2017
The Significance of Butterflies
This morning I was feeling weighted down with worries and uncertainties. It is hard to watch people you love go through hard things, and there seems to be a lot of that going around.
I didn't really feel like going for a walk, but once I pulled myself out of bed and Gary suggested we go, I figured I should. As we were walking and observing the demolition of the old Edgemont Elementary, a very large monarch butterfly kept circling us. I was a little annoyed and said, "What is that butterfly doing?"
Then I remembered, and realized, that perhaps I was being sent a little message of inspiration.
Then I remembered, and realized, that perhaps I was being sent a little message of inspiration.
"Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a camper. I like the comforts of home and do not seek out challenging outdoor activities. So when we were called in by the Stake President and asked if we would be group leaders to 10 girls and boys, I was honestly filled with much trepidation. The more I read up on what we were to do, the more anxiety I felt.
These were things like: Meeting the youth, who we didn't know, at 9:30 at night and then leading them on a 5 mile night hike to our campground. Having only one orange to share for breakfast. Doing activities like "fireman's net" and other various obstacle courses and games all day, and then preparing our first meal in the evening. Those things might not invoke fear in some people, but it certainly did in me.
The week before the youth conference, we had a training day. On that training day we made the 5 mile hike, and I honestly thought I would die. I remember standing on the trail in the baking sun wondering if a helicopter would be able to come and get me. After that training day and during the following week, my anxiety was even worse. I wanted to call and bow out. How could I lead the youth when I couldn't be a good leader? But, I've always believed, and followed my belief, that if I am called to do something that I will do my best and that I will be blessed the rest of the way. I was blessed.
The night of the hike, it was like my feet hardly touched the ground. In fact, at the end of the conference each of us wrote something nice about everyone in the group. One of the comments made to me was "she is a good hiker." Ha! Little did they know.
So, this story is a very long set-up as to why the butterfly has significance to me.
The last activity of youth conference was to have everyone go off alone for a half hour. We were to ask God a question and listen for an answer. That was also somewhat of a new experience for me. While I often ask God questions, I seldom have the patience to stay still, meditate, and wait for an answer.
My question was, 'Why does there have to be such sorrow and pain in the world? Why do some people have to go through so much?' That was very much on my mind at the time, particularly because of my nephew and niece, Chuck and Christine, who lived with such excruciating pain with EB.
As I sat in silence in the mountains, a beautiful butterfly flew right in front of me. As I watched it fly away, my heart lifted and I felt such peace. What came into my mind was the thought that "without sorrow or pain we would not recognize or appreciate the opposite, which is joy and love and goodness." I knew that my question had been heard and that I had been given a greater understanding. The whole wilderness experience, from beginning to end, was one of the hardest and one of the most faith promoting of my life.
Later, when I shared that experience with Lynn (Chuck and Christine's mom), she asked me if I knew that the symbol for EB (Epiderolysis Bullosa) is the butterfly (They have skin as fragile as a butterfly wing which can blister at the slightest touch). I had never known that, and hearing it gave me an even greater appreciation for my experience on the mountain." (End of previous blog post)
So, when the butterfly was working so hard to be noticed, I did get the message. My heart has felt lighter.
And, symbolically, the change (or metamorphosis) of the old Edgemont School being replaced by the new beautiful one, was not lost on me either.
Sunday, June 11, 2017
I just watched Music and the Spoken Word
The message is Happiness: Treasuring the moments of happiness. Small moments add up to be great treasures. Happiness is right there in front of you, inside of you in little ways, little moments, little pieces of happiness.
While working with Gary on his history, as we would go back over it, he recognized that he used the word "enjoy" a lot. He would say that he uses it too much, and would want to rephrase it. I looked at it as a compliment to him that he did find joy in many, many things.
After the funeral and luncheon at Gary and Lynn's house, we girls went to get pedicures. Then we all went down to Riverwoods shopping area. We went in a few of the shops, as Tiffany was looking for a dress for Eliza, but we browsed through the others. Then we ate pizza at Milawi's.
While we were there, I kept thinking to myself that this is the kind of evening that Gary would enjoy, and it made me happy. He and Lynn have always found great pleasure in enjoying the atmosphere of places and people, no matter where they were.
So, every time I am "enjoying" my experiences, whatever they may be, I will think of Gary --and find joy in what I am blessed to have.
While working with Gary on his history, as we would go back over it, he recognized that he used the word "enjoy" a lot. He would say that he uses it too much, and would want to rephrase it. I looked at it as a compliment to him that he did find joy in many, many things.
After the funeral and luncheon at Gary and Lynn's house, we girls went to get pedicures. Then we all went down to Riverwoods shopping area. We went in a few of the shops, as Tiffany was looking for a dress for Eliza, but we browsed through the others. Then we ate pizza at Milawi's.
While we were there, I kept thinking to myself that this is the kind of evening that Gary would enjoy, and it made me happy. He and Lynn have always found great pleasure in enjoying the atmosphere of places and people, no matter where they were.
So, every time I am "enjoying" my experiences, whatever they may be, I will think of Gary --and find joy in what I am blessed to have.
Wednesday, May 24, 2017
I'm sitting
here in a hotel room in Burlington, Colorado. We left Misty's this morning and needed to arrive here soon enough so that Gary could do his online independent study sessions from the motel.
We left a day sooner than we had initially thought we would, as my brother, Gary, is going downhill rapidly. We expect that he may pass away before we get home tomorrow night. I feel such sadness. I can't imagine a world without Gary in it.
The kids are gathered and Charlene and Richard are going to see him today. Yesterday Natalie sat with him while Lynn and Leslie went to the mortuary to choose the casket. I can hardly stand to write that, because it makes it so real.
He has definitely maintained the good fight and done it with grace and dignity -- even though it has been very hard for him. The image I see in my mind of Gary, when he is free of his mortal body, is of him "striding." Gary never did anything slowly, until Parkinson's made that impossible. I love the thought of him striding forward, free from the physical bonds that have hampered his body. I envision a joyous reunion with Chuck and Christine, Mom and Dad, and all those who love him who have gone on before.
I wonder if they are awaiting his arrival, just like we await the arrival of a new baby. I just wish I could know now, and not have to wait until I have died to know about the details of this process. But I have no doubt about the processes.
As I was driving in Kansas today and thinking about Gary, I saw a billboard that said, "If you died today, where would you spend eternity?" Well, I have no doubt where Gary will spend it.
When Gary retired, they had all the partners in his law firm write some "evaluations as partner without attribution." They asked them to "Please write a brief statement of something you value or respect about Gary Anderson." They were written on 3x5 cards and handwritten. When I made them into a document and wanted to include them, he was very uncomfortable. Gary always deflected the attention from himself.
He finally agreed to keep them in his history if it was prefaced with him saying,
"I include these 'Evaluations of Partners without Attribution' not to be self-congratulatory, but because they are meaningful to me from my valued associates. But, I also wonder what the answer would be if they had asked "Write something about Gary that you do not value or respect!” But we’ll never know.
Here is what they said:
We left a day sooner than we had initially thought we would, as my brother, Gary, is going downhill rapidly. We expect that he may pass away before we get home tomorrow night. I feel such sadness. I can't imagine a world without Gary in it.
The kids are gathered and Charlene and Richard are going to see him today. Yesterday Natalie sat with him while Lynn and Leslie went to the mortuary to choose the casket. I can hardly stand to write that, because it makes it so real.
He has definitely maintained the good fight and done it with grace and dignity -- even though it has been very hard for him. The image I see in my mind of Gary, when he is free of his mortal body, is of him "striding." Gary never did anything slowly, until Parkinson's made that impossible. I love the thought of him striding forward, free from the physical bonds that have hampered his body. I envision a joyous reunion with Chuck and Christine, Mom and Dad, and all those who love him who have gone on before.
I wonder if they are awaiting his arrival, just like we await the arrival of a new baby. I just wish I could know now, and not have to wait until I have died to know about the details of this process. But I have no doubt about the processes.
As I was driving in Kansas today and thinking about Gary, I saw a billboard that said, "If you died today, where would you spend eternity?" Well, I have no doubt where Gary will spend it.
When Gary retired, they had all the partners in his law firm write some "evaluations as partner without attribution." They asked them to "Please write a brief statement of something you value or respect about Gary Anderson." They were written on 3x5 cards and handwritten. When I made them into a document and wanted to include them, he was very uncomfortable. Gary always deflected the attention from himself.
He finally agreed to keep them in his history if it was prefaced with him saying,
"I include these 'Evaluations of Partners without Attribution' not to be self-congratulatory, but because they are meaningful to me from my valued associates. But, I also wonder what the answer would be if they had asked "Write something about Gary that you do not value or respect!” But we’ll never know.
Here is what they said:
- · A thoroughly HUMAN being – Threw away the key – The most endearing person I know.
- · Honesty, integrity, dedication and warmth – along with being a terrific lawyer.
- · He always says “yes” and will repair the damage left by others without asking for recognition by the firm. His hard work over the years when his family situation would have made anyone else ask for a leave or for help.
- · Integrity and thoughtfulness.
- · Wonderful personality and temperament. Hardworking, with firm’s interest always at the forefront.
- · I can’t comment on Gary’s professional skills, but I understand them to be top quality. What I see and value is a man with overwhelming decency, and above all, grace, regardless of the pressures he faces.
- · Gary is a thoughtful, fair, brilliant lawyer who exudes kindness. He is a wonderful teacher.
- · I respect Gary’s values and courage. Through many difficult years, Gary has always contributed both in terms of work and in terms of being supportive of his partners. I admire the fact that although he is of a different religious background than most of us, it never interferes – he is tolerant and accepting of other’s points of view. Gary has a tremendous ability to verbally express himself and is great in front of judge or jury.
- · Courageous and humble. A classic litigator and wonderful partner. The man to have in your corner, if you need good lawyering or just good advice.
- · I value Gary’s trial skills, his tenacity, his refusal to back down in the face of adversity (such as the M-- case) and his energetic and effective efforts to build an employment practice. I also appreciate what a nice man he is!
- · Terrific role model – holds to highest values, even in times of personal/professional adversity. A+ trial lawyer.
- · Your wonderful presence and stature and the class you bring to the partnership.
- · Solid human being, great common sense, sincere and moral; cares about people.
- · Gary provides the moral antenna for the firm. His open-mindedness and compassion are remarkable. Of course, he is also an extraordinary lawyer, but I value his personal integrity most of all.
- · Outstanding human being and lawyer. He is an essential part of the culture and fabric of this firm and sets an example for all of us.
- · Utterly principled, no hidden agendas. The consummate trial lawyer. Tremendous passion and warmth for all those with whom he works. Loyal to a fault. One of the best “Big Picture” lawyers I know. Able to bring practical solutions to difficult problems.
- · By reputation, great trial skills. By personal observation, great moral and ethical values.
- · Wonderful human being. Great lawyering skills. Strong mentor for younger lawyers. Proud to have him as my partner.
- · Gary is always there – steady as a rock- with solid, calm self-effacing advice – willing to work extremely hard and take risks others shy from. Gary has an equally great skill in dealing with people- a pleasant and warm smile, a kind word, and beneath it the steel to bring in results like Mennen and Nissan. It is a great comfort to have Gary as a partner, friend and lawyer in my corner.
- · Friendliness. Intensity. Loyalty. Legal skill and commitment to practice. Practices development skills in general and empathy in particular.
- · His character – compassion, integrity, honesty. His skill and tenacity as an advocate. His courage. His friendship.
- · Gary has always had a kind and friendly word for me and anyone else I’ve ever seen him come across.
- · Warm, outgoing and friendly. I think Gary is also a decent human being who is a good moral compass. An excellent grasp of strategy.
- · I admire your thoughtful views on issues that affect the firm and its people. I also value the friendly way you interact with people and the respect in which your litigation skills are held by those who work with you.
- · Aside from Gary’s outstanding legal abilities, Gary provides us something far greater – a thoughtful caring friend who always takes time to help others in the firm. Gary never lets his ego get in the way of his contributions and always finds something positive to offer.
- · I value and respect Gary’s unflappable and caring nature.
Ok, I've got to stop. This is making me too emotional. I love him.
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
Charlene brought
Richard down today to visit Gary.
We are planning on leaving for Missouri on Monday for Lydia's graduation, which is on Friday.
But, I am very worried about Gary. He is not at all mobile now, and so weak. Yet he is still more worried about those around him than himself.
I am going to devote the next 3 days to getting the semi-final version of his history done and printed in color before I leave.
We are planning on leaving for Missouri on Monday for Lydia's graduation, which is on Friday.
But, I am very worried about Gary. He is not at all mobile now, and so weak. Yet he is still more worried about those around him than himself.
I am going to devote the next 3 days to getting the semi-final version of his history done and printed in color before I leave.
Friday, April 28, 2017
The last few
days have all blended together.
Last night I was up until 3 am working on a photo project for Lydia's graduation. In order to do it, I've had to organize all my photos, and it has been quite a project considering the number of times my computer has crashed and photos been imported and exported. I plan to scan in all of the old photos from my albums and store them in a cloud and on thumb drives, so I don't have to do it again.
Thursday night I went to ER with my niece, Britt, with kidney stones. She was in so much pain, and we were so glad once they figured out what it was and were able to control the pain. She called me instead of her mom, because Lynn can't really leave Gary alone anymore.
He continues to fall and seems to be getting weaker. It makes me heartsick. He's bounced back several times, so I'm hoping that happens again. He has faced this challenge of Parkinson's so gracefully, but I know it has been so hard for him.
I feel so blessed that I have been able to spend time working on his history with him. It has been a very sweet time for me. We have been hanging out in the little room off the bedroom most of the time. We have made progress, but there are still many pictures to add and edits to be made.
Gary's brother in law, Bruce, snapped these pictures of us a few weeks ago when he saw us. (They are staying with Gary and Lynn while they prepare to move back to California).
Last night I was up until 3 am working on a photo project for Lydia's graduation. In order to do it, I've had to organize all my photos, and it has been quite a project considering the number of times my computer has crashed and photos been imported and exported. I plan to scan in all of the old photos from my albums and store them in a cloud and on thumb drives, so I don't have to do it again.
Thursday night I went to ER with my niece, Britt, with kidney stones. She was in so much pain, and we were so glad once they figured out what it was and were able to control the pain. She called me instead of her mom, because Lynn can't really leave Gary alone anymore.
He continues to fall and seems to be getting weaker. It makes me heartsick. He's bounced back several times, so I'm hoping that happens again. He has faced this challenge of Parkinson's so gracefully, but I know it has been so hard for him.
I feel so blessed that I have been able to spend time working on his history with him. It has been a very sweet time for me. We have been hanging out in the little room off the bedroom most of the time. We have made progress, but there are still many pictures to add and edits to be made.
Gary's brother in law, Bruce, snapped these pictures of us a few weeks ago when he saw us. (They are staying with Gary and Lynn while they prepare to move back to California).
Life is so fragile,
beautiful,
heartbreaking,
full of love, wonder, and sorrow
and priceless.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
I'm glad that
it is February. I always seem to fall into a January slump. It hasn't helped that it has been hazy and cold. I haven't been going to Yoga, either, but I went today and it felt good.
One morning last week I realized just how much I needed an attitude change. I usually get up in the morning and think about all the things I need to do and haven't done. Or I dwell on the hard things I know friends are going through. I let it overshadow my attitude.
On that morning, as I checked facebook, someone had posted a picture of the beautiful snow and titled it,
"Oh what a beautiful morning, Oh what a beautiful day!" I want to approach each day with that kind of attitude. To find joy in what I can do, for myself or others, and not what I can't do. It is really just a matter of habit.
So before I get out of bed each morning, I'm saying, "Oh what a beautiful morning, Oh what a beautiful day." It makes a difference.
One morning last week I realized just how much I needed an attitude change. I usually get up in the morning and think about all the things I need to do and haven't done. Or I dwell on the hard things I know friends are going through. I let it overshadow my attitude.
On that morning, as I checked facebook, someone had posted a picture of the beautiful snow and titled it,
"Oh what a beautiful morning, Oh what a beautiful day!" I want to approach each day with that kind of attitude. To find joy in what I can do, for myself or others, and not what I can't do. It is really just a matter of habit.
So before I get out of bed each morning, I'm saying, "Oh what a beautiful morning, Oh what a beautiful day." It makes a difference.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
I think I must have
needed inspiration the other day when I was driving. Within a minute's time I received words of wisdom from two different license plate frames.
"Thinking it doesn't mean it's true."
and
"Just Do It."
On the other hand, maybe I didn't need inspiration. Maybe I need to quite reading license plates and pay more attention to my driving.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Last night
we had Jean's family over for dinner, and as I told Tom on the phone, he should be very proud of his kids and grand kids. They are wonderful people. Here are a couple of cute pictures. Two of Bree leading us all in "Itsy Bitsy Spider," and the other of Jared's boys with their take home treats.
It is so hard at times like this to do normal things, because life seems like it won't ever be normal again. But, what I learned from Mom and Dad's passing, was how important it was to just keep going. To do things you have always done. In this case, we have always gathered together when family was in, reminisced, and enjoyed each other's company. It was a blessing to us and Gary and Lynn to have the family over, because (besides pray for them) it is the most normal thing we can do.
And, as I hugged the kids, I was giving them a hug for Jean, too. I know she would do the same for me.
It is so hard at times like this to do normal things, because life seems like it won't ever be normal again. But, what I learned from Mom and Dad's passing, was how important it was to just keep going. To do things you have always done. In this case, we have always gathered together when family was in, reminisced, and enjoyed each other's company. It was a blessing to us and Gary and Lynn to have the family over, because (besides pray for them) it is the most normal thing we can do.
And, as I hugged the kids, I was giving them a hug for Jean, too. I know she would do the same for me.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
I am
feeling, very deeply, the loss of a very loyal and caring friend. My friend, Jean, passed away Sunday morning. It was very sudden, unexpected, and unexplained. My heart is hurting for her family and for all of us who love her. She was only 62, She adored her children and grandchildren. They were literally the light of her life.
Jean and I have been "partners in crime," so to speak, on countless projects, parties, and crafting classes through the years. In fact, I was last with her just two weeks ago when we went to a card making class. I try to think back to all we talked about that night, and what I remember is very sweet. It makes me realize how important it is to cherish each moment. I have been so very blessed to have her as a part of my life for 40 years, and I will really miss her.
Jean was married to my brother, Tom. Though they later divorced, we have all remained close. We have shared the common bonds of love for my parents, of watching our children grow, and for the special relationships of the Anderson cousins.
Some people have expressed surprise when I have explained our relationship and the friendship and family ties that we have continued. Truly, a great credit is due to Tom and his wife, Lynn (who is another very cherished friend), and to Jean and her husband, Ross. They have been very gracious in wanting their children to feel the love that extended family ties bring. They have done that in situations when, no doubt, it was not always comfortable. I remember the love that was felt three years ago when we planned a family baby shower for their daughter, Stephanie. Jean wanted to have it when Tom and Lynn were in town, so they could share in that time with Stephanie and Bryce. Lynn and I had fun together as we decorated and made desserts, and then Jean brought in all the rest of the meal.
My heart is with Ross, Jenni and Ryan, Jared and Sara, Stephanie and Bryce, and her adored grandchilren. She loved you dearly. Losing those we love, especially a parent, is so hard.
I have no doubt that the spirit continues to live after the mortal body dies. Frankly, I don't know how people make sense of life if they think that death ends it all. But that knowledge doesn't stop us from feeling a great loss when our loved ones are no longer with us. I guess that is what it is all about. The more we feel the love, the greater we feel the loss.
Jean and I have been "partners in crime," so to speak, on countless projects, parties, and crafting classes through the years. In fact, I was last with her just two weeks ago when we went to a card making class. I try to think back to all we talked about that night, and what I remember is very sweet. It makes me realize how important it is to cherish each moment. I have been so very blessed to have her as a part of my life for 40 years, and I will really miss her.
Jean was married to my brother, Tom. Though they later divorced, we have all remained close. We have shared the common bonds of love for my parents, of watching our children grow, and for the special relationships of the Anderson cousins.
Some people have expressed surprise when I have explained our relationship and the friendship and family ties that we have continued. Truly, a great credit is due to Tom and his wife, Lynn (who is another very cherished friend), and to Jean and her husband, Ross. They have been very gracious in wanting their children to feel the love that extended family ties bring. They have done that in situations when, no doubt, it was not always comfortable. I remember the love that was felt three years ago when we planned a family baby shower for their daughter, Stephanie. Jean wanted to have it when Tom and Lynn were in town, so they could share in that time with Stephanie and Bryce. Lynn and I had fun together as we decorated and made desserts, and then Jean brought in all the rest of the meal.
My heart is with Ross, Jenni and Ryan, Jared and Sara, Stephanie and Bryce, and her adored grandchilren. She loved you dearly. Losing those we love, especially a parent, is so hard.
I have no doubt that the spirit continues to live after the mortal body dies. Frankly, I don't know how people make sense of life if they think that death ends it all. But that knowledge doesn't stop us from feeling a great loss when our loved ones are no longer with us. I guess that is what it is all about. The more we feel the love, the greater we feel the loss.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Unmotivated
I've felt very unmotivated to blog or write lately. The last few weeks I've been feeling very tired and kind of sick. I've had moments of inspiration and motivation (like when Gary took me out to get the flowers for the yard and turned the soil so I could plant them). That motivated me to get them planted.
But, I don't like to write when I don't have a happy attitude. I don't like to dwell on negative feelings or things that bring me or others sadness. But, I've also been reflecting on that tendency.
I went to hear my sister-in-law, Lynn, give a presentation at Women's conference. She spoke on the importance of reaching out to each other as women and about what a difference we can make by the small things we do. She did a wonderful job, and it was hard to contain the tears as she spoke of people who had reached out to her and her family.
One point she made has really stayed with me. She said to ask ourselves if we are able "to be real." She said that if we are able to "be real," and share with others our struggles, then they will know they are not alone when they deal with the same things.
I can easily share my faults and laugh at myself and the silly or dumb things I do. But I am also very proud, and it is very hard for me to express things that really hurt or give me sadness. I have friends that can be open about very painful things, and I marvel at and appreciate that ability. But really allowing yourself to feel pain, let alone share it, is very hard. It makes me cry, and I don't like to cry.
But lately, when I haven't been feeling that well, everything makes me cry. I think I just feel vulnerable or something. Thinking make me cry. Seeing loss makes me cry. Witnessing kindness makes me cry. Feeling kindness makes me cry. (Gary has been looking at me sideways with concern as I have been crying as I write this) Which just makes me cry more because I can't explain why I'm crying. So, please, while I am in this crying state, do not be kind to me. It would just make me cry, and I hate to cry.
Ok, enough of this. I'm really uncomfortable being real.
But, I don't like to write when I don't have a happy attitude. I don't like to dwell on negative feelings or things that bring me or others sadness. But, I've also been reflecting on that tendency.
I went to hear my sister-in-law, Lynn, give a presentation at Women's conference. She spoke on the importance of reaching out to each other as women and about what a difference we can make by the small things we do. She did a wonderful job, and it was hard to contain the tears as she spoke of people who had reached out to her and her family.
One point she made has really stayed with me. She said to ask ourselves if we are able "to be real." She said that if we are able to "be real," and share with others our struggles, then they will know they are not alone when they deal with the same things.
I can easily share my faults and laugh at myself and the silly or dumb things I do. But I am also very proud, and it is very hard for me to express things that really hurt or give me sadness. I have friends that can be open about very painful things, and I marvel at and appreciate that ability. But really allowing yourself to feel pain, let alone share it, is very hard. It makes me cry, and I don't like to cry.
But lately, when I haven't been feeling that well, everything makes me cry. I think I just feel vulnerable or something. Thinking make me cry. Seeing loss makes me cry. Witnessing kindness makes me cry. Feeling kindness makes me cry. (Gary has been looking at me sideways with concern as I have been crying as I write this) Which just makes me cry more because I can't explain why I'm crying. So, please, while I am in this crying state, do not be kind to me. It would just make me cry, and I hate to cry.
Ok, enough of this. I'm really uncomfortable being real.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
It's been a
busy couple of days. Yesterday I spent all day making the banner and various cupcake holders that look like flowers. Then we had the event celebrating 170 years of Relief Society. I have a great appreciation for the organization of Relief Society in our church. Through visiting teaching, serving meals at events and funerals, or serving to individual homes, there is a great bond that forms and a great strength that comes with it.
After I got home last night, I worked for several hours on the computer for work. Then this morning I drove Gary and Lynn to the airport. We had a moment of stress when we realized that Lynn had left her purse with everything in it --drivers license, money, checks, phone, etc., back at home. I was amazed when she went to the desk to see if she could fly without her ID, but would have to go through a special line. That was a relief.
Then I met with Loralee and company up in Blluffdale for almost 4 hours as we tried to fine tune the methods we are using with the spreadsheet and ways to make the ordering less complicated. I left feeling much lighter hearted, because we were able to take each persons ideas and make it work. They are such nice people
Then I came home and went to dinner with Gary, went and Fed-exed Lynn's purse to he, and then came home and worked for another 3 yours. But it feels good. Just doing creative things yesterday and having creative discussions about photo shooting parties and ideas for pulling them together, kind of gets my fire kindled a little. I've kind of felt in the dumps for some reason. Creating beautiful things, and just actually the act of creating brings energy.
After I got home last night, I worked for several hours on the computer for work. Then this morning I drove Gary and Lynn to the airport. We had a moment of stress when we realized that Lynn had left her purse with everything in it --drivers license, money, checks, phone, etc., back at home. I was amazed when she went to the desk to see if she could fly without her ID, but would have to go through a special line. That was a relief.
Then I met with Loralee and company up in Blluffdale for almost 4 hours as we tried to fine tune the methods we are using with the spreadsheet and ways to make the ordering less complicated. I left feeling much lighter hearted, because we were able to take each persons ideas and make it work. They are such nice people
Then I came home and went to dinner with Gary, went and Fed-exed Lynn's purse to he, and then came home and worked for another 3 yours. But it feels good. Just doing creative things yesterday and having creative discussions about photo shooting parties and ideas for pulling them together, kind of gets my fire kindled a little. I've kind of felt in the dumps for some reason. Creating beautiful things, and just actually the act of creating brings energy.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Evil
Sometimes I have a hard time believing that people are evil. If they are doing bad things, I usually think they are misguided, selfish, desperate, or a product of a bad environment.
However, from the moment I first heard from Josh Powell, after the disappearance of his wife, I have despised him. Every time I've seen him interviewed, I've told Gary how vehemently I dislike him. Gary would agree, but would remind me that we really don't know that he killed his wife. I could not give him the benefit of the doubt. His story was so bizarre that it was obvious he was lying. When his boys were taken away from him, I was ecstatic. I couldn't imagine them living with him, especially after it was revealed what was going on in the home with the grandfather.
Yesterday, when I heard that he had murdered his children and killed himself, I was heartsick. Mostly for Susan's family and those who loved them. That was one sick and evil man. Today when I was out and about and saw children about the age of the boys, I felt such sadness. My only consolation is that the boys are now outside his realm of influence and with their mother. What a reunion that must have been. I'm sure that gives the family some consolation, too.
So now I need to let it go and be glad that I'm not the ultimate judge. But I'm still very sad.
However, from the moment I first heard from Josh Powell, after the disappearance of his wife, I have despised him. Every time I've seen him interviewed, I've told Gary how vehemently I dislike him. Gary would agree, but would remind me that we really don't know that he killed his wife. I could not give him the benefit of the doubt. His story was so bizarre that it was obvious he was lying. When his boys were taken away from him, I was ecstatic. I couldn't imagine them living with him, especially after it was revealed what was going on in the home with the grandfather.
Yesterday, when I heard that he had murdered his children and killed himself, I was heartsick. Mostly for Susan's family and those who loved them. That was one sick and evil man. Today when I was out and about and saw children about the age of the boys, I felt such sadness. My only consolation is that the boys are now outside his realm of influence and with their mother. What a reunion that must have been. I'm sure that gives the family some consolation, too.
So now I need to let it go and be glad that I'm not the ultimate judge. But I'm still very sad.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Among Friends
Last night we had a "mock" Caldecott Award event. I knew that it was a book award, but didn't know that it is an award for illustrations in children's books published the previous year. Donna, who works at the Provo City Library, brought about 30 books that were eligible for the award. It was really interesting to learn how the whole judging process works. The official winner was announced earlier this week, but Donna had told us not to find out what the winner was beforehand.
It was fun as we sat in a circle and had 1 minute to look at each book and then make a note about it. It is really hard to judge a book in 1 minute, but there were some definitely some illustration styles that appealed to me more than others. We each voted for our top three, and then narrowed down, and voted again. I'm glad I'm not really a judge, because it would be really hard to decide. Our final winner was not the same as the official one, and in fact the winner didn't even make our first cut.
The reason I labeled this entry as "Among Friends," is because I was glad I was among friends. As it began, I accidentally bumped the table that held the books that were standing upright in rows. They went down in almost perfect domino style. (In fact, I couldn't have placed them better if I had planned it.) But I obviously hadn't planned it, and would have been very embarrassed, had I not been with friends. As it was, we all laughed and moved on. It's nice to feel that comfortable with people.
It was fun as we sat in a circle and had 1 minute to look at each book and then make a note about it. It is really hard to judge a book in 1 minute, but there were some definitely some illustration styles that appealed to me more than others. We each voted for our top three, and then narrowed down, and voted again. I'm glad I'm not really a judge, because it would be really hard to decide. Our final winner was not the same as the official one, and in fact the winner didn't even make our first cut.
The reason I labeled this entry as "Among Friends," is because I was glad I was among friends. As it began, I accidentally bumped the table that held the books that were standing upright in rows. They went down in almost perfect domino style. (In fact, I couldn't have placed them better if I had planned it.) But I obviously hadn't planned it, and would have been very embarrassed, had I not been with friends. As it was, we all laughed and moved on. It's nice to feel that comfortable with people.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Encouragement
to be happy.
Usually I don't need to be encouraged, because I know how blessed I am. But sometimes it almost seems wrong to be happy when you know there are so many who are facing very difficult circumstances in their lives.
Tonight we had, for our Relief Society activity, a presentation by Kelly Ogden about his book, "Happy Like Jesus." He gave numerous examples of our leaders who constantly urge us to have a "brightness of hope." One of my favorite quotes is from President Hinckley: "Be believing, be happy, don't get discouraged. Things will work out.” He brought out the point that those who are happy, in spite of difficult circumstances, see the big picture. Well, there is no doubt that Jesus saw the whole picture. When we are discouraged, we hang our heads down. He encouraged us to hold our heads up and to look upward. I like that, because just the act of lifting your head and looking up makes you feel better.
As I was putting away Christmas decorations (yeah, I got started!), I saw my two containers of "bee" stuff. I have quite a bit of "bee" and "hive" decorations. I had been thinking about how to decorate the refreshment table for our activity tonight, and when I saw the containers it triggered the idea to make use them for the centerpieces. "Bee Happy." A little cheesy, but since I have them I thought I would use them.
I love these little bee aprons on my apron girls. I took some dish clothes that Mom had made for me when we I got married (that were threadbare), and used pieces of them on the aprons.
The little pin flower centers say "bee happy."
Then I had my beehive cake stands and beehive water dispenser.
Usually I don't need to be encouraged, because I know how blessed I am. But sometimes it almost seems wrong to be happy when you know there are so many who are facing very difficult circumstances in their lives.
Tonight we had, for our Relief Society activity, a presentation by Kelly Ogden about his book, "Happy Like Jesus." He gave numerous examples of our leaders who constantly urge us to have a "brightness of hope." One of my favorite quotes is from President Hinckley: "Be believing, be happy, don't get discouraged. Things will work out.” He brought out the point that those who are happy, in spite of difficult circumstances, see the big picture. Well, there is no doubt that Jesus saw the whole picture. When we are discouraged, we hang our heads down. He encouraged us to hold our heads up and to look upward. I like that, because just the act of lifting your head and looking up makes you feel better.
As I was putting away Christmas decorations (yeah, I got started!), I saw my two containers of "bee" stuff. I have quite a bit of "bee" and "hive" decorations. I had been thinking about how to decorate the refreshment table for our activity tonight, and when I saw the containers it triggered the idea to make use them for the centerpieces. "Bee Happy." A little cheesy, but since I have them I thought I would use them.
I love these little bee aprons on my apron girls. I took some dish clothes that Mom had made for me when we I got married (that were threadbare), and used pieces of them on the aprons.
The little pin flower centers say "bee happy."Then I had my beehive cake stands and beehive water dispenser.I didn't use my beehive candle holder, or beehive tablecloth, or beehive birdhouse, or beehive pillow,
but I did use my "Bee Happy" bowls.
So, if you learn nothing else from reading this,
then please learn to "Bee Happy."
Sunday, December 11, 2011
The other morning,
I tuned into a segment of "Fresh Take" on BYU television. I didn't see the beginning of it, but it was a discussion on employment and finding a job that is fulfilling.
The moderator suggested that you remember back to your first happy childhood memory. Once you identify the memory, then to ask yourself how and why it made you feel happy. He suggested that if you ask yourself the right questions, and answer thoughtfully, that you will not only discover what type of job will bring you fulfillment, but also discover what drives you -- or your personal purpose. An interesting idea.
I thought back to one of my first happy memories. I remember sitting in the chapel of our 19th ward church and listening to the mission farewell of one of my brothers. I'm not sure if it was Gary or Richard's farewell, but I remember feeling so proud and happy as my brothers spoke from the pulpit. When I ask myself why I felt happiness, I suppose the answer is that I felt a sense of belonging and of being a part of a loving family. I probably didn't identify it as such at the time, but I'm sure I was also feeling inspired by, and felt, God's love.
Perhaps this little thought exercise has some merit to it. Trying to create that feeling, for myself and others, really does bring me fulfillment. Maybe that's why I love being a mom and grandma so much. As far as employment goes, though, I've always gone in the direction of secretarial and business. Maybe in my next job, I should look in other directions.
Give the little experiment a try. It is quite enlightening.
I thought back to one of my first happy memories. I remember sitting in the chapel of our 19th ward church and listening to the mission farewell of one of my brothers. I'm not sure if it was Gary or Richard's farewell, but I remember feeling so proud and happy as my brothers spoke from the pulpit. When I ask myself why I felt happiness, I suppose the answer is that I felt a sense of belonging and of being a part of a loving family. I probably didn't identify it as such at the time, but I'm sure I was also feeling inspired by, and felt, God's love.
Perhaps this little thought exercise has some merit to it. Trying to create that feeling, for myself and others, really does bring me fulfillment. Maybe that's why I love being a mom and grandma so much. As far as employment goes, though, I've always gone in the direction of secretarial and business. Maybe in my next job, I should look in other directions.
Give the little experiment a try. It is quite enlightening.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Last night
we had our Christmas Relief Society Activity. It was a potluck dinner (sweet and savory). I'm always amazed at the delicious dishes that are brought. The program was entitled, "The Women of Christmas." It featured singers portraying Mary, Elizabeth, Anna, and the angel Gabriel. I'm am always in awe of people who have wonderful voices, and this program was beautifully performed.
On Sunday, our Relief Society lesson was on the Christmas hymns and their meaning to us. A point that was made was that many scriptures and hymns mention "heavenly choruses" that sang in joy when Christ was born. What was also brought out was that we were likely a part of that chorus. I've never thought of that. It brings me joy to think that I was part of that heavenly choir. I also like to think that I had a beautiful voice as I sang. I don't have that gift now, but I have to assume that all angels must have beautiful voices. Or even if they don't, I'm sure none of the others would have cared (or been annoyed) if someone was off-key.
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