Geting in over your head

For half the day I had this feeling of anxiety.

How I was going to fit everything in

that I had said I could do by Wednesday?

(Details aren't important) 

None of it was essential this week,

but I wanted to and thought I could.

That was until I got a coding job that I worked

on almost all day on and made a total of $7 from.

Then I had a light bulb moment.
(sometimes I'm a little dim)

All of it doesn't have to be done this week.  

It's not worth the anxiety I'm feeling.

Just make some phone calls,

give the essential information,

that is good enough,

and probably even better. 

I can breathe again.  

Emotions

My homework assignment

for an informal workshop I'm attending

(once a week for the next few weeks),

is to take my

"emotional temperature" 

several times a day.
  

At the very least I'm supposed to write down

the emotion I'm feeling when I go to bed

and when I first wake up in the morning.

I haven't been doing my homework very well.

Right now I'm watching

"The Pursuit of Happyness" 

with Gary and Natalie.

I'm feeling very sad and anxious.

It had better end well, 

or I'm going to add "mad" to the list.


(Epilogue:  no need to add it)

Births

August 29 appears to be a popular day for births.  

On August 29 of last year I gave birth to this blogspot.  

My heart was so full and I felt so blessed on that day,

that I tried to express what I was feeling in these words.

"On this day, August 29, 2008, I had a special feeling in my heart knowing that within a few hours a new grandchild would come into our lives--another soul to love, nourish, and worry about. It made me want to write my feelings (another rare occurrence), so I thought I'd do it as a blogspot."  


A year ago today we didn't know if Tiffany and Justin were having a boy or a girl, but we were anxiously awaiting the news of the birth.  We were thrilled when we got the call that we had another granddaughter.  I couldn't wait to get up to Oregon and hold her (and her sisters and brother) in my arms.

Oh, just looking at these pictures makes me want to cry.

Lucienne is her name, and she is beautiful.

(and messy in this picture)

Can you believe those eyes?

I was laughing with Tiffany yesterday when she told me that she and Justin counted and that, during the 24 hours in a day, Lucienne  is awake in only about 7 of them.  She sleeps 12 hours at night and takes two good naps.  But, the reason we were laughing was because during the 7 hours she's awake her body is "on alert."  Her legs are stiff or moving, her arms reaching for something out of reach, and her head turning in every direction to make sure she's not missing anything.   It makes me laugh just thinking about her.   

As I said, August 29 is a day of births.  It is my oldest brother, Gary's, birthday.   It is my brother, Gary's, grandson, Michael's, birthday.  When we were in Logan today and visited Gary's (hubby, not brother) sister, Janice, we found it is her granddaughter's birthday.  I think I'm missing one, but if any of this makes sense, I think you get the picture.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EVERYONE!

I came upon Gary

doing this:

Dipping a baked peanut butter cookie

into the pumpkin chip cookie dough mixture.

That's actually one of the more

appetizing dips I've seen him do.

Deep, Deep Thoughts

in the Garden this morning.

If you crawl through the weeds
they're sure to stick to you,
And they're hard to get rid of.

Sometimes I'm just not sure what
direction I should be growing in.

Am I a zucchini or a pumpkin?
Are there such things as round zucchinis?
The tag said I was a zucchini.

Bee Happy

I've been a total slacker this year with my shelf.
I kept the cupcakes up for 4 months
and skipped the 4th of July.
I thought no one had noticed,
but Natalie assured me she had.
I felt justified, though,
because we weren't even here for the 4th.

I've also skipped "back to school,"
and have put up the 'bee theme."
Dianne borrowed my "bee stuff" for a
RS thing in her ward last week.
That gave me the idea to use the "bee theme" for a
"Quick and Easy breakfast"
mini class I'm doing in September.

Something like:
"Bee-gin your day in a Bee-utiful Way"

Cheesy? Yeah.
But I have all these cute decorations and cloths.

My kids will probably laugh when they read that I'm teaching that.
My idea of quick and easy breakfast when they
were growing up was cold cereal they could pour themselves.
The occasions we made special, but that was about it.

I'll be sure to make that disclaimer when I give the mini class.
But, I'm looking for some fun, easy, and yummy breakfasts
and am soliciting ideas from any cooks who may be reading this.
Please do. What do you like for breakfast.?
Even better if it rhymes with bee or honey
(ok I'm just kidding there)

Well that's a long explanation of why
I now have bees on my rotating shelf.

Conflicted

I think that was the word
I was searching for yesterday
as I tried to figure out how I was feeling.
Thanks for the pep talks,
my friends.
I needed that validation, I guess.

Now I'm feeling like

(a book popular in the seventies
when my mind was still very impressionable)

"Harris' context for the book:

The body of the book starts with the observation that historic attempts to understand human nature have long recognised that individual personalities have multiple facets. Harris acknowledges the great advance made by Sigmund Freud in describing those facets in abstract terms such as Id, Ego and Superego, but also the challenge of trying to apply them to help his clients resolve their problems (and the challenge of trying to get Freud’s followers to agree on a consistent model)."

Okay From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:

Okay, OK, Oh Kay or O.K. is a colloquial English word denoting approval, assent, or acknowledgment that has been a loanword from English for many other languages. As an adjective it means 'adequate', 'acceptable' ("this is okay to send out"), often in contrast to 'good' ("the food was okay"); it also functions as an adverb in this sense. As an interjection, it can denote compliance ("Okay, I will do that"), agreement ("Okay, that's good"), a wish to defuse a situation or calm someone ("It's okay, it's not that bad"). As a noun and verb it means 'assent'. ("The boss okayed the purchase") The origins of 'okay' are not known with certainty, and have been the subject of much discussion over the years.

The book was also fodder for lots of jokes

when the third line was added:

I'm OK

You're OK

"We're all OK"

If, after reading this in-depth analysis of being OK,
you're feeling not OK,
That is OK.

Thoughts on Blogging

Sometimes I feel with this whole blogging experience that I am being very egotistical, very "about me." And undeniably, it is about me. I'm uncomfortable with that. I begin to worry if what I say will offend, if it will make sense, if it will be good enough. I'll find myself checking the comments to see if anyone is reading it, which makes it even more about me. I worry that I'm being too self promoting.

I ask myself, "Why do I have to write in such a public forum? Why not just write in a journal?" I know the answer to that. I made a public commitment to write once a day (to force myself to write), and I really do try to keep my commitments to others. On the other hand, I'm not as diligent in keeping commitments to myself. I've set goals many time to write in a journal, yet there are literally years between my journal entries.

When I sit down to write in a journal, my mind goes blank. I don't know who, if anyone, is going to read it. But if someone were to read it, I worry about grammar, about my handwriting, how to condense a week's worth of thoughts and activities into a journal entry. I feel that if I'm recording it for my posterity, that it has to be worthwhile and meaningful. Yet, I don't think cake balls, cupcakes, brownie bites, laundry room redos, etc. quite fit into that category. But (unfortunately?), they are a part of my life.

So, it's like this blogging commitment has unleashed a "monster" in me. Suddenly I've got an easy forum to share what is going on, what I'm feeling, what has touched me, who I love, and the messes I get myself in, I'm yearning to share more stories of those people who came before me and those who have come after me. I've never felt I had a lot to say on any given subject, but suddenly there are lots of little things I want to say. Remembrances keep popping into my mind that bring back other memories that bring back more feelings. I feel greater appreciation for the small things in life as well as the life altering ones. It keeps me connected with my daughters, grandchildren, and friends and family.

So, that is why I'm doing it.
And, amazingly, it is filling a void
in my life that I didn't know I had.
But just looking at all the I's and Me's
in the paragraphs above,
starts to make me feel uncomfortable again.
Because "I" do care what you think of "Me."

There they are again, those self promoting words.

What's the word for being torn
between one feeling and other?
It's on the tip of my tongue.
Anyway, whatever that word is,
that's what I'm feeling.

Random Notes from

Oquirrh Mountain Temple Dedication
(broadcast at a Church building)

Sister Leifert: (my scribbled notes)

When a child responds to a mother's request with,
WHY?
The grandmother in her wants to say,
"Because she loves you most.
She wants you to be safe.
Her wish for you is to have joy."
Likewise, when we think of commandments and
want to ask,
WHY?
The answer is the same.
Because Christ loves us most.
Listening and Obeying are for you--
not for your parents or for God.
He loves us and wants us to
be safe and have joy.

Scribbled Notes to each other:

Gary: (after continuing to feel his phone vibrating) Misty keeps calling. If she calls again, I'm going out to answer it. (The mother and father in us is imagining the worst)

Annette: Ok

Gary: She's calling again. I'm going out to get it.

Natalie: Where did Dad go?

Annette: Misty keeps calling -- worried something wrong.

Elder Bednar: (scribbled notes)

Contrasts

World -- hectic, crude, loud, unruly
Temples -- stillness, quiet, orderliness
World -- self centeredness, selfishness
Temple -- selfless service, love
World -- evil as good
Temple -- reminds of all that is truly beautiful

Gary comes back in. In answer to questioning look writes:

Lydia had some family history questions for Primary.
(we're usually not in Church until hours later so
they just figured we were out somewhere)

All our minds: Relieved.
Now we can relax and really listen.
After all, Temples are all about family.

34 years ago today

we gave birth to our first daughter, Misty Ann.
I haven't used the "Ann" for so long that it sounds strange.

We spent the first year of marriage in Cedar City where Gary played football and baseball at what was then Southern Utah State College. During the next summer, when we were expecting Misty, we stayed in Provo with Mom and Dad. Dad had cleaned out his wood shop in their basement (I realize now how much work that must have been for him) and made us a cute little bedroom.

She was due on August 14, so we had been anxiously awaiting her arrival. The anxiety was for more than about wanting to have our baby. Gary had to report to Cedar City for football training by Monday, August 25. He had a scholarship, which we didn't want to jeopardize, so he really did have to be there. But we definitely wanted him in Provo for her birth.

By Wednesday, August 20th, we were feeling pretty desperate. Back then they didn't induce labor like they do now. I went into the Dr. and he suggested I take caster oil. Well, that gave me some pains, but not enough to get anything going very well. Finally, after two days of labor, she finally arrived at about 5:30 pm on Friday, the 22nd.

She was the splitting image of Gary.
She weighed 7 lbs 4 oz but was 22 inches long.
She had legs that looked like string beans
they were so skinny.

Again, times were different back then. After holding her for a bit, they took her to the nursery and we didn't see her again until the next morning. However, it wasn't her that we saw first the next morning. The nurse brought a baby with lots of black hair and put her in my arms. She had a lot more hair than I remembered and her legs didn't look like string beans. After holding her for a minute, I looked her over a little more closely, checked her wristband, and found that she wasn't our baby! Once that was resolved and they brought us the right baby, there was no doubt she was ours. All along, we had decided that if the baby was a girl that we could name her Alisa. For whatever reason, after she was born, Gary brought up the name of Misty. I liked it, and it seemed to fit her, so that's what we went with.

She brought us great joy then.
She brings us great joy now.
So hard to believe that was 34 years ago.
In many ways it seems like yesterday.
In other ways it seems like a another lifetime ago.
And here she is expecting her 5th child.
She's more than quadrupled our joy.

We love you, Misty!
Happy Birthday

Blessings of Friendship

My friend Dianne B. was at Yoga today,
and as we were talking after
we decided that since we had a lot to talk about
we may as well go get a Jamba Juice.
(The peach is really yummy)

I met Dianne when we moved into the 16th Ward back in 1985. We've been "partners in crime" on lots of different projects through the years, whether it be with church callings or PTA Teacher Appreciation. Since the 16th ward dissolved 3 years ago, we haven't had the project opportunities, but we still bounce ideas off each other about whatever one or the other of us is working on. Today the topic of discussion was a lesson she's planning for Relief Society. I'm not sure our discussion helped her any. But, it always feels good to share your feelings about different subjects and know that a friend is listening with an open heart and without judgment.

That's just ONE
of the many blessings
of having good friends.

If you don't have it . . .

you don't have to store it.
(or organize it)

An idea I need to heed more.

Faith and Strength during Adversity

I've been thinking a lot about faith and strength during adversity.
It started Sunday night after learning of our friend, Ken's, death.

We first met Ken 20 something years ago when he showed up at
our house with a few of his 10 children in tow.
Gary was Bishop at the time, and he had come by to
introduce himself and tell us that his family would be moving
into a house in the neighborhood.
He had retired as a dentist in Arizona when he had
learned that he had MS and could no longer practice.
The only indication of the disease at that time, to me anyway,
was that he looked tired.

Through the years we've seen Ken's body slowly give up on him.
But not once did we see he or his wife, Leslie's, spirits give up.
They have been a source of inspiration to me and countless others.
They have remained united in their purpose, in their beliefs,
in their commitment to their family,

They rank right up there with the angels in my book.
That is not to say there have not been years of sorrow,
anguish, pain, and feelings of hopelessness.
But that has not dominated their lives.
Their love and respect for each other has
been the dominating factor in their lives.
That and the eternal promise of their marriage.

Then today I was reading this article in the Deseret News.
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705324424/Blessed-by-adversity-Utah-man-refuses-to-wallow-in-past.html

Again, amazing.
They are my heroes.

Serenity

Just got home from yoga.
Spread peanut butter and honey
on a slice of homemade bread.
Read paper.
Crispness in the air.
Serenity

Hair "Dos"

While visiting teaching today,
we started talking about how many women
in our mother's generation would go
once a week to a hairdresser to get
their hair washed and styled.
Then there was no need for them to do
anything to their hair
during the week other than give it a comb over.
Gary's mom always did that,
and her hair always looked very nice.

I made the comment that my Mom never did that
because my Dad always did her hair.
They were amazed.
I never really thought of that as different because
that is all I ever knew. I guess I thought all men did that.
Marilyn, who I visit teach, said I needed
to write that down in my history.
So here it is.

Mom would wash her hair. Dad would trim it,
give it a perm when needed, and roll it in
those prickly rollers.
Then Mom would wear them all day
until her hair was dry.
Then Dad would style it.

Dad cut my hair, my sister's hair, my brothers' hair,
my cousins' hair, our neighbor's hair.
He wasn't a barber.
He was just a do-it-yourself-er.

I still remember in high school when I decided I was
going to a hairstylist for a perm and cut instead
of having Dad do them for me.
I think Dad was kind of hurt that I didn't
want him to do my hair any more,
but I can hear in my mind Mom saying,
"Now Golden, she is in high school now and wants to
have her hair cut like the other girls."

As Dad got older, mom started going to a
hairdresser to get her hair cut,
but he still gave her the perms, rolled
the curlers and styled it every week.
After Dad died I, or whoever was visiting,
would be the person to roll the curlers into mom's hair.

On the Friday before Misty's wedding on Saturday
(and two days be fore she died on Sunday),
I went up to Mom's house to roll the curlers in her hair.
She wanted me to give her a trim, too,
so I trimmed it a little.
I am definitely not a hairdresser,
and my sister-in-law later told me she said it was
a little shorter than she was used to,
but that she liked it.
I remember feeling very anxious
as I cut it and also nervous about the wedding.

About 20 years ago,
at a gathering with my high school friends,
one of them jokingly said that we had to promise
each other that we would never wear house dresses
and never have our hair
"Done" and plastered with hairspray once a week.

Well, I long ago broke the promise of no house dresses,
and those once a week hair "dos"
are sounding mighty inviting to me right now!

Strength in Numbers

The new quarters. I'm jealous of the cabinets!

Wow, it's been a long moving day.
Gary is still out in the storage shed cleaning up
and I'm trying to put some order back into the house.

Today just reaffirmed the fact to me that
"Many hands make light work."
Nat's roommate's family showed up in force
and helped load and then unload the moving truck.

Before that, my cousins Diane and Tom,
who have moved into a house just a block away from us,
called to invite us to breakfast.
They have been making 6 trips a day this last week,
slowly moving from their home in Springville.
Yet, they invited us to breakfast because they
knew we were moving Natalie today. Amazing!
We couldn't go, because everyone had just shown up,
but later in the day we drove the moving truck
over to Springville so they could get some
larger things in one trip.
When we got to their new home, a bunch of their
new neighbors helped carry their things in.

I don't know if this is making sense.
But, what I'm trying to say is that it
helping hands lift burdens,
not only of the body,
but also of the soul.

There truly is "strength in numbers."
I appreciate that more and more.

Wandering

around in IKEA for almost 3 hours
is exhausting and overwhelming!

That's what Natalie, Gary, and I
did tonight picking up odds and ends
for Natalie's big move tomorrow.
I could go nuts in the kitchen
and organization sections,
but I refrained.

Gary took a picture of me and Natalie
shopping, but it's on his iphone,
We've got an early morning start tomorrow and
I'm too tired to have him send it to me now.

So this is a pretty boring entry.
But what we're doing is anything but boring.
In fact we're wondering if we're really up for it.
It's plenty enough with just Nat's belongs.

I can't even begin to imagine the mess we would be in
to move our 25 years worth of stuff in this house.
As much as Gary has wanted to build a house
and move at times, the desire generally
gets tempered when he realizes
just how much stuff we would have to move
or get rid of if we did.

I'm falling alseep writing this . . . ssss.........

Mixed Emotions

Part of the reason I'm cleaning out so much
(besides the fact that it needs it)
is that Natalie is moving out.
We've been cleaning the outside storage
shed that has lots of her boxed up things in it.
In the process of all that,
I've been trying to clean out too.

It's fun to see Natalie so excited about decorating
and furnishing the new condo in American Fork.
She's moving there with her friends, Ann and Danielle.
They've picked up dressers and coffee tables
at DIs and spray painted them.
They're having fun gathering things they need
to furnish their new place.
Natalie lived in apartments for a few years
after high school and then moved back home
a couple of years ago.

My sad emotions come from the fact that I like
seeing her every day and will miss her
happy, loving, and helpful disposition.
My happy emotions stem from the fact that she is so
excited, will be very close to her job at Digis,
and because she will have fun with her friends.
They will be a little more exciting company
for her than me and Gary.
(Gary told me to speak for myself,
that he is pretty exciting)

She's promised we'll still see her a lot and that,
for the time being,
she'll still teach Primary
and come home for Sunday dinner.
I'm going to hold you to that, Natalie!
We'll miss seeing you every day
(but you probably won't miss some of
our annoying ways)!

Cleaning out . .

Again.

Today it was the pantry.
At 2 pm today every inch of cupboard in the kitchen
was piled high with everything I had taken from the pantry.

No pictures this time
.
The laundry room "before" pictures were telling enough!

Brownie Pops

The brownie bites I made with Cora are baked
in these silicone pans

I had never heard of them,
but Jean told me about them (and gave me one, too)
They are a great alternative to the cake pops.
They are not fudgy and gooey like the cake pops,
but they are sooooooooo much easier.
They could be fudgier with a different recipe,
so I may try something like that later.
I also didn't try to make them look like
cupcakes, but that wouldn't be too hard to do.

I made them with this brownie recipe:

3 cups sugar
3 cups flour
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
7 eggs
1 1/2 cups butter, melted
7 tablespoons baking cocoa

Mix sugar and flour together and add eggs and vanilla. Melt the butter with cocoa and add to flour mixture a little at a time. Fill cups about 1/2 full. Cook for 15 to 20 minutes (depending on your oven). I found it is easiest to remove the bites when they are still a little warm. Once removed, add the sticks. This recipe makes about 48 brownie bites.

I started out with 2 pans but have picked up 4 more ($5 with 50% off coupons at Michaels and JoAnns) That way I can bake one batch all at one time.

So, if you're just dying to try them,
you're welcome to borrow the pans!

Park City

August 9, 1974

Park City now,
August 8,
35 years later.

(Another ten years and I probably won't be able to move

fast enough for the timer to take this picture)

35 Years ago today

Be sure not to miss Gary's red checkered pants!

A few years ago I made this digital album of our wedding day for Gary for our anniversary. I ran out of pictures before I ran out of pages, so I added a few random pictures representing our life since then.

http://preview.picaboo.com/Webview/CoverPage.aspx?album=000000000000BC0CE3&user=000000000000214B9B

I feel very, very blessed to have such a
wonderful man as my husband, best friend,
and father to our children.

As Annie Pie would say . . .

Ta Da!

I didn't even need to buy any new baskets.
Just relocated them from around the house.
(I'm sure that doesn't come as a big surprise)

I'll put pictures of my beautiful grandchildren
on the magnet board.

Gary's quality floor job.

Random comments:

Annette: Well, after all that, it turned out well.
Gary: Yeah, It's kind of like having a baby. When you're in the middle of labor you're wondering why you're doing it. But then after it's done, it's all worth it.
(He's obviously never been in labor).

Annette: There's not room for an ironing board, so we're out looking at an over- the- door one.
Misty: But what will you set everything on? (lol) After watching you for all my life, I know you always put everything on the ironing board. (lol)
Annette: Prescisely. That is why it's good there won't be a standing ironing board. Then I can't set every thing on it that doesn't belong there. (Stash and Dash)

Use a Cut Brush

Duke was down and gave us advice on

how to finish the painting and molding.
Apparently if you are slow and steady
and are using a "cut brush" you can paint
the edges straight without taping or redoing.

That is not what I spent last night doing.
First I would try to make the ceiling line straight,
then I would try to even out the wall line from
where I got the ceiling paint on the wall.
It was an endless cycle.

Well, we got a cut brush.
We'll see how it works tonight as we finish up.
Tomorrow is "D" day (or delivery day)
for the washer and dryer.

This little idea to buy us the new washer and dryer
and give the rental unit our old ones
has turned into a little more than Gary
bargained for.

We're seeing

a lot of red around here!

Gary came home just now and told me I paint
the way I cook -- Very messily.
I can't argue there.

Sweet Things

It's been a sweet day so far.
I got to watch my niece, Angie's, two little girls
for a few hours while she went to a conference.
Oh the sweetness of little girls!

We colored,
had a picnic,

and while the Erin slept
Cora and I made a brownie pops.

Don't confuse brownie pops with cupcake pops.
While the cupcake pops are majorly time intensive,
the brownie pops are very, very, easy.
(Thanks, Jean for letting me know about them!)
I'll devote a whole entry later on how to make them.
I know that Duke is dying to get the recipe.

Like I said, it's been a sweet day so far.
Thanks, Angie, for letting me taste of their sweetness.

Now on to the not so sweet stuff.
I'm heading out to buy red paint and start
painting the laundry room walls.
Thanks to Natalie, the texturing and
white shelves are already done.
It looks 100% better already.
The goal is to have the painting all
done by tonight so Gary can work on
the flooring tomorrow.

Wish me luck. I'll need it.

No thoughts

I'm sitting here looking at my messy
craft/sewing/work room.
I need to put everything away from
the card class, Cricut class, and sharing time preparations.
And, that is a separate mess from the one I showed
in yesterday's blog.

Somehow I never did catch on to the old adage of
"If you take it out, put it away."
I guess that's not true, I learned it,
and I do eventually put it away.
I just need to add
"right when you're done with it."

I'll keep trying.

YES,

WE'RE IN A MESS!

And Gary has wounds to show for it.
(A picture of Gary's head where he kept
hitting it on the edge of the shelf and his
hand that he kept scraping)Natalie's Wall texture.
(she's a Pro at this)