I have terrible memories of insomnia. Lying there for hours, fretting about not being able to go to sleep. Worrying how I would cope the next day with a body and brain so tired. Of course in the middle of the night, anything I'm worried about suddenly becomes much larger and more difficult than it really is.
I don't know when insomnia issues first hit me. But they were with me for years. I think I may have started dealing with insomnia during the 3 year span of losing our two stillborn daughters. I don't remember any problems with insomnia as a youth or as a young married. I think I would push my emotions back during that time, but the realities of it would manifest itself physically.
I'm thinking about it this morning because I had insomnia again last night. At 3 am I was still awake. For the last 5 years, I have been blessed with a little 10 mg pill that I take 1/2 of when I go to bed.. It relaxes me enough to get to sleep. It is a miracle pill for me, actually. I sing its praises in my mind every night. The fact that I can actually lay down and drift off to sleep is a very miraculous thing for me. But for whatever reason, last night it didn't do it's magic. When I do have a night like that, it brings back all the old anxieties.
I'm headed off to zumba right now to wake myself up and clear my fuzzy mind. And to any insomniacs out there, I'll be praying for you.
2 comments:
I had forgotten you had that problem. I feel sorry for you as lying in bed just magnifies all the worries. I hope you can get some good sleep.
I also remember your insomnia--I remember it in the form of a vacuum running in the living room around 2 AM. Unfortunately my bedroom was right below the living room! I have a lot more empathy for your insomnia plight now than I did as a youngster. I too hope you get some sleep tonight!
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