Anxiety, Perfectionism.
I don't know what to call this feeling that overcomes me sometimes. It feels like an anxiety that won't go away until everything is finished, done, or in it's place. And, basically, nothing is ever finished or done or in it's place. Because there is always something else, or something more, or someone or something that I'm neglecting. Then there's the question of if what I'm spending my time doing is worth spending the time on. Like dreaming up cute little things for Christmas, when there are people out there worrying if they will have a roof over their head. Or people who are feeling alone and lost and hopeless.
So, what's the solution? I need a very concrete answer, please. A formula with step by step instructions where, upon completion, everything is done, as it should be, and in it's place. HA! That will be the day. Maybe in the eternities. And, thinking of the eternities, the knowledge of the plan of life gives me great purpose. It's just that the need for "completion" sometimes interferes.
I need to find joy in the journey, not the completion. And I usually do find joy. But, in the back of my mind there is often this nagging little voice . . .
So right now I'm telling myself: Breathe. Balance. Breathe. Balance.
6 comments:
Ah love...it's never finished, but peace is found in the priorities. You know that. Sometimes I actually write out mine and then grade my day...sadly lacking once in a while. When I'm lucky, I've changed a life--if only with a loaf of banana bread.
You can't save the world but you can do something for someone else, and you do.
This is about the only thing I do that isn't required of me. When I have extra money--which isn't often, but when I feel I can share--I put a twenty dollar bill in the mail to someone I know who is living very tight and has no family here. Once I was at her house a few days after it arrived and she told me about it, wondering who it was. Since she didn't know, it could be anyone, and she was thankful to many people as they were possibilities. I'm not able to do this often but I know I have made a difference in someone's life.
YOU are ALWAYS sharing, Annette. You make the world brighter for almost everyone you come in contact with. It is amazing all the good you do. NO ONE could even BEGIN to keep up with your giving heart. So, put that worry aside and do everything else you do with excellence. Schedule time--yes, you will probably have to schedule time, to read or go to the movies or to breathe, breathe, breathe. You are much loved, especially by me. You do your fair share and more and more and more.
Read Chantel's final sentence. You have changed many lives!
"Glance at the past. Prepare for the future, but live in the present." Pres. Monson.
Hard to do, I know. I suggest you go read your blog entry on "Balance". Finding balance is the key, but a very difficult key to find. Just shoot "the little professor" off your shoulder.
Well Mom, if it makes you feel any better the "cute little christmas things" you are dreaming up already have my kids in dream heaven! I told them about the concession stand idea and they can't stop talking about it. It comes up at least hourly! So, you have officially made their season. Everything you do is for others.
I know exactly how you feel. I think I inherited that general feeling of "something is wrong!, or what am I forgetting?" from you. But rest assured that you hardly ever neglect the most important things. I've never known anyone who's better at just following the Spirit and doing what is needed. As I think I've said before, "when I grow up I want to be just like you!" (only with a slightly cleaner fridge.)
Hahaha! Cleaner fridge :)
We love you mom, you never neglect love and kindness to others.
Post a Comment