I ask myself, "Why do I have to write in such a public forum? Why not just write in a journal?" I know the answer to that. I made a public commitment to write once a day (to force myself to write), and I really do try to keep my commitments to others. On the other hand, I'm not as diligent in keeping commitments to myself. I've set goals many time to write in a journal, yet there are literally years between my journal entries.
When I sit down to write in a journal, my mind goes blank. I don't know who, if anyone, is going to read it. But if someone were to read it, I worry about grammar, about my handwriting, how to condense a week's worth of thoughts and activities into a journal entry. I feel that if I'm recording it for my posterity, that it has to be worthwhile and meaningful. Yet, I don't think cake balls, cupcakes, brownie bites, laundry room redos, etc. quite fit into that category. But (unfortunately?), they are a part of my life.
So, it's like this blogging commitment has unleashed a "monster" in me. Suddenly I've got an easy forum to share what is going on, what I'm feeling, what has touched me, who I love, and the messes I get myself in, I'm yearning to share more stories of those people who came before me and those who have come after me. I've never felt I had a lot to say on any given subject, but suddenly there are lots of little things I want to say. Remembrances keep popping into my mind that bring back other memories that bring back more feelings. I feel greater appreciation for the small things in life as well as the life altering ones. It keeps me connected with my daughters, grandchildren, and friends and family.
So, that is why I'm doing it.
And, amazingly, it is filling a void
in my life that I didn't know I had.
But just looking at all the I's and Me's
in the paragraphs above,
starts to make me feel uncomfortable again.
Because "I" do care what you think of "Me."
There they are again, those self promoting words.
What's the word for being torn
between one feeling and other?
It's on the tip of my tongue.
Anyway, whatever that word is,
that's what I'm feeling.
And, amazingly, it is filling a void
in my life that I didn't know I had.
But just looking at all the I's and Me's
in the paragraphs above,
starts to make me feel uncomfortable again.
Because "I" do care what you think of "Me."
There they are again, those self promoting words.
What's the word for being torn
between one feeling and other?
It's on the tip of my tongue.
Anyway, whatever that word is,
that's what I'm feeling.
12 comments:
Annette, That was a very insightful blog entry. It was very interesting to me as I share the exact same thoughts about my blog as you expressed, especially the comment about it being self-absorbtion or "all about me". But, as you expressed, it has filled for me a void that was there.
I suspect you write it primarily for your children and grandchildren and that they are your primary audience. Secondary audiences are your siblings, like me who really enjoy reading about your everyday life, and close friends. That is certainly my audience and for whom I primarily write.
Can you imagine how wonderful it would be to have had mom and dad write in a blog and share their events and thoughts as you do? What a wonderful read that would be for us and our children and our children's children!!
So what if we derive some personal benefit from writing in our blog. It is certainly better than spending our time watching TV or other less important things.
I have written about 10 volumes of personal journals that contain much the same as my blog, except their are some more personal items in the journals. But, I derive the same joy of sharing with my blog as I did with my journals, and the joy of sharing is immediate with the blog.
There may some ego in the entries but so what, so is there in a journal.
I for one vote 100% in favor of you continuing your blog and I would bet your kids would too.
I would bet the only ones who read my blog are my kids and a few others I am close to, like you. Others don't read or don't care so I don't care whether they read it or not. This is for me and my family.
Keep writing and don't feel guilty at all because it is about you. Of course it is about you, it is your blog!!!! Besides, I love your blog and look forward each day to reading it.
Annette,
Sara and I both subscribe to your blog and read it every day. I very much enjoy reading about cupcakes, pancakes, laundry rooms, sewing gone wrong, and Gary's plaid pants.
Keep it up!
Love,
Jared
Annette.....the most important thing in life is your family. Friends that are like family come next. I think the words your looking for is we love you? What ever you write, you know that it will be used and abused. But one thing you should always know is your my best friend, and there is nothing you can say that will hurt friends!
I'd like to ditto almost everything in Tom's comment. I wish I made time to keep up with my blog like you do. I'm scared to make the kind of commitment you have, I'm afraid this isn't my season of life for daily entries. Maybe I should commit to once a month. I'll think about it. P.S. I still need to get Angie's blog and I don't have Tom's blog either. And any other cousins out there who have blogs, please invite me!!! dmbishop@hughes.net Keep it up mom, love you!
I think the only thing you're lacking is more post about that awesome family across the street, the Roylance family. More specifically their incredibly awesome son John. I'm surprised there are not countless blogs written in his honor.
I know Denise and I love reading all about "YOU" so keep it up.
John "Captain Awesome" Roylance
Annette-
I think it's great and ACTUALLY less selfish than writing and keeping it to oneself. This way you are sharing and enhancing other lives- even with the cupcake entries. They make me feel less crazy.
angie
Mom, you know I love your blog. I love being a part of you life even though I'm not there. I feel a part of your messes! You are the LEAST conceited and vain person I know so you don't need to worry about that! The ONLY bad thing about your blogging is that I feel like I talk to you so often that I don't call as much!
p.s. and I love reading everyone elses comments. Especially Duke's. . .and a new favorite, John R. :)
I once read that the reason we write is not so others can understand us but so that we can understand ourselves. That's a good thing. keep the posts coming.
Annette - I love reading your blog and do so every morning as soon as I get to work. You make me laugh, cry, and stand in awe of you with all that you do and accomplish. Please don't feel that it is just about you - I think we can all relate.
I am terrible at leaving comments, but I also love to read your blog. It's not selfish at all; especially with your family living all around the country, it's a great way to let them know what is going on in your life.
Ok, I feel a day late and a dollar short, but what's new? I find your blog entries most insightful unless they're about me and even then I confess they are usually accurate. I even learn things about you that perhaps I didn't know about before. Can you imagine that? I would say the number of responses to this entry shows the entries are not falling on 'deaf eyes' :-)
Love you,
Gary
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