Feeling.
We had our "relationships" class today. Every time I go I come away with some new insight. The last few weeks we've been discussing the different forms of criticism.
Here is the link again: criticism
Here is the link again: criticism
The underlying concept is that we should not criticize without seeking permission first. That can seem a little formal, but it makes sense. We all know that the minute someone starts to criticize, we become defensive. The goal is to make a relationship a "safe" place where ideas and feelings can be expressed without judgment. There are good and better ways of doing that. Some examples:
"Could I offer a suggestion?" (they may say no, but if they do, honor it)
"Would you like some input on that?"
"There may be a more effective way of doing that, would you like a suggestion?"
Is there a time when we can talk about how I feel when this happens?"
"I think I may have a better idea, would you like to hear it?"
I think the form of criticism I use
most often is sarcasm.
I use it a lot with myself.
I use it to lighten what could be a tense situation.
I use it to be "funny."
And in many ways I want to defend that practice, because I don't mind criticism in the form of sarcasm as much as other forms. It's kind of laughing at yourself or others (ouch, that doesn't sound very nice), and acknowledging weaknesses without saying, "You should not" or "You always . . ." or "I never get it right."
As you can tell, I'm trying to justify sarcasm.
I really want to justify sarcasm.
I want to say it is not hurtful.
But who is to say it's not hurtful?
It would kind of depend on the attitude
or intent with which it is done,
don't you think?
Maybe it is just a very underhanded
way of taking a jab at
yourself or someone else.
Ok, I need to think some
more about sarcasm.
And while I'm thinking about that,
we had a very insightful discussion on
Who would know that there are so many very difficult and painful relationships that people have to deal with every day. I'm counting my blessings in that regard and at the same time praying for those who have to deal with those toxic relationships.
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4 comments:
I don't know what to say, I'm afraid I will be either critical or sarcastic. So, I quess I will just not say anything (is that sarcastic??)
Seriously, relationships are an interesting study. I think we all develope ways to protect ourselves, especially if we have been wounded. I think sarcasm is one way and blame is another and criticizing is another. We develope all these neurosis to protect us. Carl Jung, the great Psychologist said: "Neurosis is always a substitue for legitimate suffering." The ideal is to face problems and pain head on instead of using all these other devices to protect us from pain. But, that is the ideal and very hard to do.
Anyway, for what it is worth, those are my thoughts (not that they are worth anything or anyone cares--that is sarcasm protecting me from my own stupid statements made above. Sorry, couldn't resist.
Annette, you always think of the other person, thank you, just in case it's me --and it might be.
Toxicity abounds sometimes.
Sarcasm is pretty much always hurtful to someone, I think. We raised our kids with sarcasm and thought it was funny. I wish we hadn't. I hate it. I have a friend who is always saging, "just kidding," but by then the damage is done. This is a long process, isn't it? So glad we have this class so we can figure it all out.
I have some thoughts on sarcasm. Is there a time we could talk about them? :-)
I've never heard you use sarcasm, Annette.
Mom, the only time I've seen you you use sarcasm is with yourself or Dad. (And maybe your siblings sometimes). Which in those cases we all know the unconditional love that accompanies it! However, I've seen sarcasm used when people think they're not being hurtful and they are. So I think it really depends on the situation and the people. Interesting discussion.
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